188.8 Noon

I've been as high as 192 or 193 and as low as 171 since posting last. I am at the top of my range right now. I've been home from work since the end of February and have gained about 20 pounds in that time (so a little over three months). I feel heavy. I don't feel cute right now. A lot of my clothes are too tight to wear. I don't feel really guilty per se... just tired of struggling with this so much. I fasted 36 hours before noon today. I just have been having so much trouble with eating carbs and junk. Same as always. I don't know what the long term solution is. I've been thinking lately that playing online too much while I'm home is part of the problem though. Not being productive. Not having goals that I am working towards. I tend to let myself do what I want to much (seeking pleasure instead of long term happiness).

I'm still working on it after all these years. I really hoped at some point I would find out what the long term solution is.