250.0

Ok. So I gave up the 800 calories a day idea already. I don't believe it is in my best interests to do it. I really need to do something I can stick with long term. I have lost the weight and regained the weight enough times to know that I need to find a way of eating I can live with for life. Hopefully I would lose weight gradually. I doubt I will ever get down to the weight I would like to be (136) and not be actively restricting calories (being hungry a good part of the day) to maintain it - low carb or not. I am tempted to go lower calorie, to lose weight faster, but here is what I would like to promise myself:

I will stay low carb / primal with high fat dairy.
I will try to eliminate fake sugars (artificial sweeteners). Letting go of sugar is hard though and I will not yell at myself for using it for a crutch here in the beginning.

I will try to do some exercise as I lose weight and it feels better.
I will try to sit in the sun for brief (<10 minutes) each day.

I DID calorie track today and ended up with a 200 calorie deficit. Better than nothing for sure. I also feel like I am getting off the sugar swings / insulin swings right now, so I will cut myself some slack. I WILL eat low carb primal though and try to lower my calorie consumption as time goes on. I will not be under 200 by the 4th of July... but it would be nice to be at least down to 235 (1 pound a week) or even down to 220 (2 pounds a week). Both are quite doable without much deprivation.

Day 1 - Made it. :)

I just finished my tilapia and am having a cup of licorice herbal tea. I made it. :) I started thinking about different things (meaning other than fish) I wanted for dinner and realized it meant I needed to eat the fish NOW if I wanted to stay on track. I will have to remember that tomorrow. It's easy for me to wait to long and then get hungry enough that I make poor choices.

I don't have any big plans for tomorrow other than making some cream cheese jalepino poppers (just baked jalepinos with cream cheese inside). I am going to make them for breakfast (for my high fat meal). They are freeking delicious. I might even make them tonight and them just put them in the refrigerator overnight, so they are ready to go. Other than that, I will probably have chicken and cauliflower... not sure what else. Maybe some liver? I should go to the store and pick up some lean beef steak.

Feeling really pleased with myself. I need to remember how good it is to feel hope about this situation that has plagued me most of my life.

It's been a long time! 251.0

Wow. I haven't posted on here in forever. I am going to try to regularly post and see if I can't see some trends. Since I last posted in July of 2011, I saw a high of 261 something (naked a.m. weight). At the start of 2012 I started working diligently on it and over the course of 5ish weeks got down to 247ish and then I've hung around 250-252ish (with carb bloat weight) since then (the last 5 weeks). I am ready to get very strict again.

I am going to do 800 calories per day. Shoot for 80-110 grams protein, under 20-25 grams carbs and the rest in fat. I am going to try to make sure one of the meals has most of the fat, so my gall bladder will definately have enough fat to make it flush out EACH day. (Since I have had gall bladder issues in the past and they are exacerbated by low calorie diets). Theoretically, if I am able to maintain this sort of eating, I should be able to get under 200 by the 4th of July. That is a size 16. Doable and I would feel a lot better physically. I am going to be really strict and plan to try to be paleo/primalish (not atkinsy - meaning low/no dairy, no artificial sweeteners). I am drinking diet mountain dew today and will lay off of it when this bottle is done. (The first day is the roughest for me).

I am curious to try the 30 day primal challenge and see if it would be something I can stick with long term. I still haven't found the answer. I liked how I felt when I was Zero Carbing, but I have been unable to stick with it (I have tried MANY times in the 20 months).

Today I had:

1pm: 3 egg/ 1 1/2 strip bacon with salsa egg scramble

5:30pm: 3.7oz lean pork loin and 13.2oz english cucumber

later on I plan on having 6oz tilapia.

I feel good right now, but know I am going to struggle later on tonight. I've GOT to get some of this weight off though. I feel 20 years older than I should. :(