180.2 (10:30am)

Today will be my 5th day that I have been back on track. I am hopeful that I am past the worst cravings. I have taken 2 diphenhydramine per day for the last 4 days. I have been taking 1 in the morning with my morning coffee at 11am and 1 in the afternoon at 3:30 - 4:00 pm. That seems to be working pretty well. I am still white knuckling it for a little while each evening from around 8-10 pm, but they are helping enough that I think they are well worth the trouble I have going to sleep each night (as well as the expense). I think I might continue taking them for at least another couple days. I want to be 100% firmly in ketosis and not wavering in my commitment. I had to many false starts of "getting back on plan" from the end of December through the first half of January to take this lightly. I was kinda getting scared that I wouldn't be able to do it. I want to remember that when I am tempted to have an off-plan meal (non-ketogenic) in the future. It can provoke a lot of mental and physical suffering getting back into ketosis. I have done so well this past year and it really just is NOT WORTH IT.

Yesterday I tried something new (although just a twist on something I have been doing in the past). I have these little 2 oz plastic salad dressing containers and lids that you can get at the restaurant supply. I melted 20 grams of sugar free chocolate wafers (I get this in the bulk bins at Winco) melted with 5 grams of butter. I stir that up after it's been microwaved to the melting point, then stir in 10 grams of non-sweetened dehydrated coconut. It comes to 192 calories and is very good. It is like a commercial candy bar, but doesn't seem to be too triggering. The nice thing is that they don't require refrigeration, so I will be able to take them with me when we are working out and about in the next month or two. I made up 10 servings last night and put them all in a ziplock in my refrigerator so they are ready to grab and go in the coming weeks. I also think I will do up some little containers of raw almonds that are pre-measured out like that as well. Having stuff ready to go is such a big part of making this food plan work. When you come in from a long exhausting day of manual work out in the cold it is VERY easy to go off plan because you don't want to hassle with figuring something out to eat. I've found that things like this are not a "meal", but they can give you something to eat until you can calm yourself down and wait a little bit to make a proper ketogenic meal. I think a lot of us who have been obese in the past really struggle with extreme hunger in a different way than normal weighted people who have never been obese. I guess that makes a lot of sense because obesity is really a dis-function of one's own fat burning. I hope/pray that with time, my body will increase it's ability to readily switch to fat burning. I DO think this has improved... I am not sure if it is more a result of the regular lower insulin levels, the increased sensitivity to my own insulin for the weight-loss that I've already had, or an increased number of mitochondria.

So, things are looking up. I am really happy to be back down to 180.2 and am focusing on getting under 175.0 pounds. 5.4 pounds to go! That is super exciting.

186.4 lbs (9am) down from 189.8 yesterdays carb bloated weight

Well, I've basically been off plan with good days ever 2nd or 3rd day for the last 25 days. In that time I have gained a real 9-10 pounds. I can put on weight really quickly when I go back to eating whatever the heck I want in the quantities I want. I am committed to being back on track now though. I have the induction headache to prove it. I just feel horrible right now. I am going to drink some homemade broth with added bouillon and low salt to it to see if that helps. Perhaps my sodium, potassium, magnesium or calcium is out of whack.

I can definitely tell that my body has more fat than it did in late December. My stomach is bigger as well as my thighs and arms. I don't really feel upset about the situation though, just dreading the struggle to get firmly back into ketosis. I took 2 diet pills yesterday. One around 1pm and one around 4pm. I then still REALLY struggled from around 9pm to 1am. I know today is going to be hard. Probably much harder than yesterday. I plan to take diet pills to help the transition and to make sure to drink plenty of water... other than that, I know I just have to suffer through it. It gets easier with time and improved ketosis.

Breakfast: 11am Coffee with 76 grams half and half, sucralose powder, 8 drops almond extract

The coffee was good. I have consistently been drinking coffee with half and half or heavy cream for my breakfast for most of this weight loss journey (since June 2013 that is). It seems to work fairly well. I try to hold off until 11 am for my morning coffee, as that pushes my eating later for the entire day. This seems to work better. I tried to utilize the Kruse Leptin protocol for a while last spring (huge protein/fat breakfast immediately upon waking), but after reading itsthewooo.blogspot.com, I've kinda started thinking (for ME) that the Kruse protocol doesn't address what is wrong with me metabolically. She recommends (as something that has worked well for HER after losing over 1/2 her body weight and keeping it off for over a decade) eating when your body tells you to eat. For her that is in the evening, and for me that is in the evening. I have NEVER been hungry in the mornings. Even as a child I remember waking up not hungry. My mom was huge on sending her kids off with a good breakfast though and I either always had toast with full fat chocolate milk (homemade from raw dairy), breakfast cereal (Kix, cheerios, wheaties, etc..), or pancakes. I invariably was STARVING by 10-11am (to the point I can remember my stomach consistently growling really loudly during a early morning math class when everyone was really quiet). Anyway - all that to say, I am still trying to figure out what works best, but it seems as if a 100% fat macro breakfast works best for controlling my caloric intake throughout the remainder of the day. I also just never feel quite "right" eating solid food in the morning.

I have plans to eat a cranberry protein shake later today. Then tilapia and zucchini and then later still tilapia and frozen green beans. I'm sure tonight will be TOUGH.

183.8 lbs (9am)

So, I ended up eating slightly different than I planned, but it was spot on plan in regards to macro-nutrients. My weight is down about 2 1/2 pounds this morning from yesterday, so it will be slower going getting under 180, but I will just focus on each day. I ate yesterday:

75 grams heavy cream with coffee, sucralose powderand almond extract (the sucralose powder purchased on Amazon is absolutely amazing. It has zero fillers like "splenda" in the big yellow bags and is way way cheaper in the long run). I used to buy "Ez-Sweetz" on Amazon which is this same powder added with water in a dropper bottle form, which is also really good, but this is way cheaper).

1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk with 13 grams Body Fortress Vanilla Protein Powder (both available for purchase at wal-mart)

4.62 oz raw lean beef steak (all fat removed) cooked in 11 grams butter. Eaten with 9.35 oz (raw weight) microwave steamed cauliflower.

697 calories, 50.3 grams fat, 19.4-7.6 = 11.8 grams NET carbs, 44.9 grams protein

I plan to have pretty much the same thing today and have already had my coffee with heavy cream. I am feeling hopeful that I can be productive today and keep myself on plan. I want so badly to get under 170. I think I look "normal" now, but still feel like I am a little too heavy to comfortably ski (I have bad knees). I would like to go skiing before we move this spring, but still feel like I am not in shape enough. I do not want to do any structured exercise though, as that seems to inevitably hurt my "dieting" (I don't think of this way of eating as necessarily dieting, as I need to eat like this for the rest of my life to keep my blood sugar and hyperinsulinemia in check, but getting into nutritional ketosis is hard and having extra cravings at this point is counter-productive to my goals).

186.2 (10am)

So, I have basically been eating on plan / off plan / on plan / off plan / on plan / etc... since Christmas Eve. Yesterday I ate 6,228 calories (461.3 carbs (not net)). Obviously my weight is up because of food in my belly (about 2 pounds probably) and water weight (3-4 pounds), which means I am up 4 real pound in the last 2 weeks. Not cool. I am committed to being back on track TODAY (will eat 700 calories MAX and watch my macro-nutrients VERY closely).

My plan for what I eat is as follows:

Coffee with 75 grams heavy whipping cream, 8 drops almond extract and powdered sucralose (the stuff in splenda without all the maltodextrin filler).

I will have a protein shake (1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 13 grams Body Fortress vanilla protein powder, coffee and maybe a touch of sucralose)

I will have a 2nd protein shake a couple hours later.

For dinner I will have a 4 ounce (raw weight) piece of steak (all fat removed) and 8 ounces of frozen green beans.

This will bring me to the following totals for the day:

681 calories, 43.3 grams fat, 24.9-9.7 = 15.2 NET carbs, 51.1 grams protein

I have found keeping calories low, carbs very low, and protein RDA minimum allows me to most easily get back into ketosis (with the least amount of physical/mental struggle). I plan to eat very closely to this exact plan for the next week at least. I think if I adhere to this for seven days I should be back down to about 178-179 lbs by next Sunday (a week from today). Then I will take my 179 photo and concentrate on getting under 175. I'm a little disappointed in myself, that I have allowed myself to stray so far off plan in the last two weeks. I just is really really hard to get back 100% on plan when you stray. With my family's upcoming move and all the stress that comes along with that, I really need to make sure that I am not failing myself with my diet. I just FEEL so much better when my body is a fat burning machine.

I HOPE I don't have to resort to a diet pill today. I doubt I will. Normally the first day back on plan is easy, and then the 2nd day is harder and the 3rd and 4th day are the hardest. Then it starts to get easier. (At least this is how it works for me). I need to make sure that I drink plenty of water today and add plenty of sodium/potassium salt (the low salt stuff) to my dinner tonight.

180.4 (10:30am)

On January 1, 2013 I weighed in at 252.0 lbs.

Today, on January 1, 2014 I weighed in at 180.4 lbs.

I have lost a total of 71.6 lbs over the last year. I have weighed and logged my food in fitday EVERY day since June 20th, 2013. Between January 1st, 2013 and June 20, 2013 I managed to get down from 252.0 to 239.2 lbs (a difference of 12.8 lbs). I logged over half of the days on fitday in between January 1st and June 20th, 2013. It really improved my ability to get back on track and continue on with correct eating when I committed to weighing myself (and my food) EVERY day in Fitday. It has made a tremendous difference and is something I plan to stick with long term.

I think the diet pills (phendimetrazine) helped 10% in my weightloss and were well worth the expense. I got a groupon for the initial consult and testing for $89 and then each refill of 60 pills (enough for 2 per day) was an additional $89. I think I may have got 4 refills? Regardless, I have taken very few of the pills and having them on hand is quite reassuring as a tool to help the transition back into ketosis after I have fallen off my macronutrient goals and fallen out of ketosis. I went "off plan" from Christmas day through December 28th. I got back on plan (macro-nutritionally as well as calorically) on December 29th and took one pill on the afternoon of December 30th, when I felt like I might really struggle that evening. Yesterday, December 31st was rough, but I chose not to take a pill. I really prefer not to, if at all possible. I ended up eating 100% on plan macro-nutritionally but eating 2300 calories (all weighed and measured on my digital scale and logged in fitday as usual). I probably have well over 200 pills remaining though... and that makes me feel like between that tool, and understanding that I am always only 3-4 days (white-knuckled if need be) from getting back into ketosis, I definitely feel like I can do this for life. I even donated a good portion of my fat clothes to a thrift store two days ago. I am NOT gaining this weight back. I don't even care that much how much better I look. I care how much better I FEEL. I still hope to get down to 139.2 pounds by June 20, 2014. (170 days from now). A loss of 41.2 more pounds. I will need a deficit of 848 calories per day to achieve that goal. I continue to do no additional exercise other than the normal activity that I feel like doing based on feeling so much better. I DO NOT believe in doing exercise for weight loss. It is counter productive (increased appetite leads to loss of control). As I get lower in weight, I plan to watch my body fat percentage more closely on my Omron Body Fat monitor (wonderful gadget, only about $30 from Walmart or Amazon). I will have to lose a lot more weight to get rid of thigh and stomach fat (my upper arms are looking better than I could have hoped for). I have disturbing wrinkling above my knees. There is not a lot I can do about the extra skin. I will try to drink plenty of water and hopefully my greasy skin genes will come to benefit me. Interestingly enough, my skin has been SO MUCH better than it was when I was eating grains. Not just my acne, but the roughness of my elbows and ankles was horrible last year. They are so much better. Unfortunately, in the last two weeks I have suffered from cracked skin on the knuckles of both hands. I have been coating them with petroleum jelly (to keep my existing body moisture locked in) and it seems to be helping, but I have not been consistent enough with it.

My husband and I (as well as my stepson) plan on moving back to DH's hometown in the next 30-90 days. I used two separate diet doctor clinics in that town, so I am not worried about being about to get more pills in 2016 (what I have on hand now should last at least 2 more years minimum). I force myself not to use the pills unless it is a do or fall off my diet plan day. The pills become less effective with each and every usage, so I want to have them as an option and not burn up my body's ability to recognize them. I also DO feel like they are not great for your health, but neither is weighing 250 pounds! By far, being in ketosis, eating macro-nutritionally in a manner that doesn't cause insulin spikes, weighing and logging every bite I eat, and weighing myself every morning is more effective for weightloss than any pill I have ever taken. BUT - the diet pills can be a good tool for helping a person go through the rough days of transitioning from burning carbs to burning ketone bodies. No matter how many times I have made that transition (MANY, MANY times over the last 20 years) it is a rough thing to do. I've become less apt to go off plan macro-nutritionally, knowing that days of suffering and struggle follow my indiscretions. It's just not generally worth it. When it happens, it is never something I plan on doing, but more a lack of control. We (DH, stepson and I) went to the Chinese Buffet for DH birthday dinner. I made the conscious decision to eat what I wanted (egg rolls, wontons, battered chicken - no noodles, no rice). It's been hard (as it always is) to get back on track and I probably have another 2 weeks of mental struggle ahead of me. It's funny, it comes and goes when getting back in ketosis. I have noticed though, in the last six months that I have normally been in ketosis, that it has become easier to get back into ketosis. I think my body is becoming more adept at burning fat. It seems to help to keep calories and protein lowish when getting back into ketosis.