199.0 (11:45am)

Ate dutch apple pie ala' mode, red baron pizza, taco bueno, regular can of soda, etc yesterday. I don't know why I keep doing this. I fall off track and then really don't care, even though I KNOW how quickly I gain weight eating junk. Self-sabotage? Not sure what's going on. I understand it is a physical drive (once I have strayed), but still am confused about how I don't make better choices. Today will be tough. I am brewing coffee right now. I think I am going to do a really low calorie stint for a while. It seems to be equivalent to fasting, but protein sparing if I watch my macros and drink enough heavy cream in my coffee to guarantee gall bladder flushing. 108 days left in 2014. 15 weeks and 4 days. I will be away from home for about half of those days, so think that I can average 2 pounds when I am home and 1 pound when I am out of town. I have 6 pounds of water weight carb/food bloat on me now. 199-6=193 base weight 15.4*1.5=23.1 minimum possible loss 2.5 pounds per week is maximum amount I could lose per week with minimum 1/3 days away from home. = (10.2 weeks x 2.5)+(5.1 weeks x 1)= 30.6 maximum amount of possible loss 193-23.1 = 169.9 maximum weight 193-30.6 = 162.4 minimum weight Almost 1 year ago today (on September 19th, 2013) I made it to 199.0 (where I am today). It's been a long year since that time. A lot of ups and a lot of downs. Anytime I stuck with low carb eating calories I stayed the same weight. Any time I ate low carb restricted calories, I lost weight and any time I ate whatever the heck I wanted I gained weight. It was really easy to see again and again. I am 23 pounds over the lowest weight I saw, which is not good, but I am not broken up about it. (Perhaps that is why I keep regaining whatever I manage to lose??) I am ready to get down in to either the 160's or the low 170's and stay there for a while. I will regroup at that point and consider how hard I want to work to go/maintain even lower. I NEED to get into at least the 170's and stay there though. It's funny, because if you would have asked me a year and a half ago if I even really thought it was possible to get and stay under 200 again, I'm not sure if I really believed it was possible. Maybe I still feel that way about being sub 175. I don't know why the 25ish pounds between here and there are even a consideration though. I am 62 pounds down from where I started (highest weight). That is not that much more. I really, really DO want to make this happen for myself... and I AM glad that I have given my skin the best opportunity it could possibly have to bounce back by losing this weight so slowly and giving it a break. I am READY though to take the next step.