Mini fail last night, but I am right back on track

Last night for some reason I gave into temptation and had
3 haystack cookies
1 piece of apple pie
about 12 chicken nuggets
5 beef ravioli
& about 15 tortilla chips

But here is what I realize. I fail at dieting not when I eat things that are off plan. I fail at dieting when I don't immediately get back on plan. I need to remember that I AM going to occasionally eat things that aren't on plan. What is more important than that though is to get back to it and recover the next day.

Weight: 239.2
Appearance: Dressed with hair and makeup - check

It's been a productive morning and I am making coffee right now to have with heavy cream. I am 100% on track today. :)

237.0

Lots of coffee and heavy cream yesterday, a bit or two of fatty crockpot pork butt, then 2 chicken nuggets (approximately 6 carbs together) (my husband was fixing them for his dinner along with french fries), 2 slices of swiss cheese, and 4 eggs cooked with butter and garlic ginger paste and then eaten with blue cheese dressing. I'm not sure what prompted eating the chicken nuggets... I am just greatful that I stopped when I did.

This morning I am drinking coffee and heavy cream as usual (I have quit measuring the quantity entirely). Plans of having more pork butt and probably bacon this evening. Maybe some more coffee and heavy cream later. I really am only experiencing real cravings when my husband gets home in the evening and has his standard american diet (SAD) dinner.

I am glad to get back down to 237.0. My clothes are fitting a little better. My face still looks kinda bloated to me though. Maybe when I get back down into the 220's that will decrease a little. I am eager to fit into size 16s this spring. Hopefully when I get under 205 they will start fitting again. I have so much selection in that size range and I am so eager to get there. I think if I stay on plan I could see that weight range around the end of April to start of May. Size 16 for me is the start of being "American chubby normal" versus "American obese". There is a huge difference in how you think of yourself and how people treat you.

Anyway, I need to get on with my workday. Right now I am experiencing no cravings and feel good emotionally.

237.8

Good day. I really struggled but managed to stay on track! Going to bed now.

238.6

The new low makes me feel hopeful, but I am really really struggling this afternoon with wanting to eat. I wonder what is causing it. I feel kinda depressed too. I can't make myself work on what I need to. Booo! What's up with that? I am getting to the point where eating meat sounds disgusting. It happens every time. If I stick with it and don't give in it's supposed to get better.

239.4

239.4... busy day. Was on track yesterday with food and appearance efforts. Today has been good so far as well. We got a lot done and I feel really hopeful about life today.

Start of Day 4

Good day yesterday...
Heavy cream with coffee for breakfast
2 Burger King Double Cheese Burgers without buns or ketchup for lunch
Roast & a little blue cheese and dinner
2 large cups of Licorice Herbal Tea (straight up)
Tiny amount of Roast for after dinner snack

Stomach growled a few points yesterday, so I could have eaten more for sure. We ended up going to an auction and then to two thrift stores. We found cross country skis and poles for DH and poles and boots for me (I already have skis). We just need to order some boots for DH online and we will be ready to go X Country Skiing. :)

It's 9:45 A.M and it's raining. I got up and weighed in 239.2 and did my hair and makeup, but did put back on my pajamas as we are lazying around a bit. :) So now I look cute though.

Here's to day 4!

240.4 This morning

Weight is steadily going down and I am gaining a feeling of control. I am going to be cautious today though, because from past experience I know that day three can be dangerous.

My committment to spending more effort on getting dressed, doing hair and makeup each morning is going well. Working from home it is very easy to wear pajamas all day and never even comb my hair. I think that all can be a big part of gaining weight in the first place... and think that trying to take more pride in my appearance can be a big part of losing the weight and making my life what I want it to be.

I'm feeling good.... been experiencing a few carb withdrawal headaches. I slept through until 6am this morning though... so that's good. Today is Saturday and a partial workday (only until 2:30) and I think DH and I will go to an auction this afternoon.

I have a roast cooking in the crockpot and am drinking my coffee with heavy cream right now. I have decided to quit measuring the heavy cream. I will shoot for the color of coffee I know from experience it should look like (with 75-100mL of heavy cream in my cup). My dream is to have a life that doesn't include measuring or counting while eating ZC. I need to work towards that goal and trust that the process will work. I am keeping general track of what I am eating in a journal to see if I can find any triggers if they happen though.

Day Two!!!!!

I just feel really happy with myself that I stuck with it yesterday. The first few days of ZC are definately the hardest.

I ended up eating heavy cream (150mL total) and steak with blue cheese dressing yesterday. The blue cheese dressing was not what I plan to eat long term, but my steak was a little burnt and I am ok with using it until gone, as it is very very low carb. I do not plan to purchase any more.

I woke up at 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep (unusual for me). I think the coffee was the likely culprit. I will try to not drink coffee after 3 this afternoon and hopefully that will solve that.

I weighed in at 243.4 this morning. On my way! :)

Where I've been and where I am going -------->

July 1st - August 21, 2010 went from 243.2 to 219.4. I subsequently fell "off plan" and regained everything plus some.

December 15th - December 31st, 2010 went from 250.4 (!!!) down to about 225 and then fell off plan again when I got sick.

I have steadily been regaining everything lost since that time.

This morning I weighed in at 245.8.

I ate the remainder of an Albertsons parfait at around 11 am. I am back on plan here and now.

I am making these committments to myself:

1) To weigh EVERY DAY
2) To blog EVERY DAY (and when not possible to write on a piece of paper and later post from that)
3) To only eat meat, cheese, sour cream, heavy cream, butter, tea & coffee.
4) To get "dressed" and do hair and makeup EVERY DAY (pride in appearance is part of the solution!)
5) Restart abstinance (ZC) bracelet

Measurements just now:
Bust: 49 3/4" (at fullest measurement)
Waist: 48" (at bellybutton)
Hips: 50" (at fullest measurement)