197.0 9am, 97 mg/dL 10am, 1st day of period

The last few days hunger has been severely UP. Must have been increased progesterone. My breasts were really sore. Today was day #1 of my period. I seem to always get a decrease in weight on day #1. I think it's the decrease in water retention.

It is just surreal to be at 197.0. It kinda even makes me angry, because I have tried to lose weight for YEARS now. It's not as if I was just gladly getting fatter each year. I really did try to diet, but I just could never find anything that I could stick with long term (because everything left me so HUNGRY and I would just regain everything when I ultimately gave in to my hunger). My size 16 Levi's are starting to actually fit and I can comfortably wear them all day. The are still a little tighter on the stomach than I would like, but the thighs and butt area are getting to be just right. OK - maybe they are still a little tight, but they are definately wearable. =) It's just really really weird to have a normalish body again. I had gotten so used to just being really really fat. I mean, I know I am still fat, but I am normal American fat again now. I feel so much better in my own body.

199.0 (9am)

It's been a little over a week since I've posted on here. Last time (8 days ago) I was at 201.0. I am now at 199.0. I have basically lost 0.2 lbs each day since that time. No big weight swings, just gradually losing a little bit each day. I am happy with my loss. It's really quite odd to have achieved my initial goal (199.8 lbs). For so many years, just getting back under 200lbs seemed insurmountable. My new jeans are still tight, but I am wearing them this morning. It has cooled down substantially. I am even drinking my Licorice Spice Hot Tea this morning. I continue to stick to the same fat, carb and protein levels... although some days lately I have increased my caloric intake. My hair continues to shed more than I would like... but I do have reasonable thick hair, so I am not worried yet. I know that this is a normal response to the body's caloric deficit.

My new goal is 185 by Halloween (41 days from now). That is exactly 14 pounds from 199.0, so would represent a 1195 calorie deficit each day. I would have to average right at 800 calories per day to achieve 185 by then. I think it is doable, but I might not quite make it. I am comfortable with my weight loss slowing down quite a bit. It gives my skin more time to recover and isn't quite so hard on my hair.

201.0 (8:30am)

Wow. I am so close to my initial goal of 199.8. It just feels weird. I keep trying to wear the GAP 14R and Levi's 16s, but they are still too tight, so I have to keep wearing the Riders 16 jean shorts I've been wearing for a few weeks. In another 10 pounds they should be real comfortable though.

202.2 (8:30am) 96 FBG (9:30am)

I went to the diet doctor yesterday. I weighed on their scale 204.4 (with my clothes on of course, so heavier than my home scale). Body fat was at 38.5%. They couldn't praise me enough. I have lost quite a bit more weight than their average diet pill customer. What's so funny is how few of them I have taken. I DO think they are a very valuable tool to have though. Anything that helps you from "breaking your diet", can be worth a lot. I have fallen off many, many diets, by losing control and then not being able to get back on track the next day, which ultimately led to going back to my regular way of eating.

I was really happy to see 202.2 this morning (at 8:30 even!). Only 2.4 lbs left to go until I am under 200 lbs. That seems kinda unbelievable. I have worked at this really hard though for the last 82 days, so I guess it should work, when you do everything right. I have just tried for so many years to lose weight, that it still seems odd that it is actually happening.

203.8 (11:30am)

I have been at this weight for a while now. I am hoping the next few days show a decline. Tomorrow is one month from my last diet doctor appointment. I haven't taken a pill in a couple weeks (I think I've taken 5 or 6 total), but I think I will go ahead and call in tomorrow for an appointment. I have struggled the last few days.

I am down 35.4 since June 20th. It's been 11 weeks 3 days since I started my diet. I have averaged 3.09 lbs per week, but of course it was much faster in the beginning and has slowed down considerably as my daily caloric needs have reduced (with the decreased weight). I have been having a harder time staying at the really low 720ish calories that I strive for each day. Yesterday I ended up at 899 calories and the day before that at 1525 calories. I HAVE managed to stay low carb though this whole entire time and I am very proud of that. I really don't mind if my calories go higher, as that just slows down the weight loss. However, if I were to go high carb in my food choices, I might slip off of my diet entirely (past experience has shown me this time and again).

My arms have slimmed down considerably. I can't get over it, when I look at them in the mirror. I am worried about extra skin on my arms, upper thighs and stomach. Hopefully my oily skin will benefit me for once and help my skin recover. My wedding ring is very very very loose. I can fit it on my middle finger now. It is crazy tight on my middle finger, but I can get it all the way on. Weird.

206.4 (7:45am)

Weight is up this morning after eating 14 grams of chicken bouillon last night (prepared as a soup with xantham gum) and also weighing much earlier than normal. No worries. I heard my stomach growling last night a lot while I was lying in bed, which means I was good yesterday.

We went to the thrift stores last night and I got two pairs of jeans. A pair of Levi 555's size 15 (!!!!) and a pair of GAP size 14Regular. The both went on and buttoned, but were tight. I should be able to fit them comfortably by the end of this month, I think. I just cant believe that I can put on those pants and even button them. I tried on a bunch of shirts as well. Large and X-large. I was going to get them, but then remembered how many shirts I have in storage. I will have to have my husband help me get them soon. It was just really surreal to try things on and be so much smaller. I pretty much look like a normal size American to myself in the mirror now. The last set of pictures my husband took of me (at 209.8), didn't reflect near the weight loss I've been seeing in the mirror each day now, so I will be curious to see how my 199.8 pictures will look when I get there.

I think I will go to the doctor and get some more phendimetrazine on Monday. I will call today and try to get an appointment. I haven't taken but like 5 or so of the pills, but I want to have plenty on hand for the coming 6 months or whatever, and I think he is supposed to cut me off soon. Maybe he won't though if I continue to show good losses? Not sure how that is supposed to work. They never have said.

204.0 (10:45am) 92 FBG (8am)

Under 205!! Now only 4.2 lbs to 199.8. I have had that as a goal for September 20th for a long time now on Fitday. I am not sure it can happen in 16 days, but it would be awesome if it did. =) No worries. I am just sticking to plan and counting on that to work eventually.

205.2 (9:30am) 100 mg/dL

205.2 (11am)

Each day, I get more and more accustomed to being in a "normal" body again. It's kind of odd to me now that I couldn't get low carb to work for me before. It's not as if I was ever OK with being obese. I tried day after day to lose weight. I am not sure what is so different this time. Perhaps just severally restricting my calories was enough to massively cut down on the amount of insulin my body was pumping out. I have also become accustomed to being hungry most of the time. I remember that feeling from when I was 18 years old and went from 190ish down to 140. I was just hungry all the time, but became mentally OK with that feeling.