Today marked the one year anniversary of my serious attempt at losing some weight. I am down right at 40 pounds since that time. For the first 6 months I weighed every day and logged every bite that I ate in Fitday. I got down as low as 176ish in early december (I think?) and have been up and down between 180 to upper 190's since that time. I have logged some of what I ate, but not consistently, since January of this year. I have weight most days, but again, not every day, since January. I feel pretty comfortable at this weight, as if I have stabilized at this weight. I am too high in the upper 190's and would like to be solidly below 180. I am going to log everything, weigh every day, and keep my calories low for a month or two and try to get solidly, permanently sub-180 (I would like to permanently end up at least sub 175). I think it's gotten pretty hard to lose more weight and keep it off. I get up close to 200 pounds and get scared and get my act back together. But honestly, I would really really like to be at least a solid size 12, loose 14. I am happy that I lost weight as slowly as I have and have been at this weight and down to 180 for the last 6 months. It really allowed my head to get ok with being this size and accepting that this is the new me. It also hopefully has given me better skin recovery than I could have expected had I lost 100 pounds in 8 months or whatever it is that people do when they lose weight crazy fast. Having said all that, I am ready to lose some more fairly quickly and then see if I can stabilize at a new lower weight. It's hard to do so. I am not kidding myself about the fact that IF I eat higher carb crap, I consistently gain weight. I am hoping that with time, I can usually eat low carb and occasionally eat some treats and not gain weight too much. I am trying to find some balance, that includes occasional indulgences and hopefully long term would not require weighing and logging everything I eat. I am OK if that is what is required... I can do that. I just hope I don't have to.
Today was kinda rough, as it usually is when I have to rein myself back in. I struggled with some self-sabotage thoughts tonight. My insulin is still high and I am going to struggle with hunger as I go back into ketosis and still have higher insulin levels. That is just to be expected. I have kinda gotten used to that. It doesn't make the struggle any easier, but it does help to recognize that it is just part of the process and I have to white knuckle it through it.
One week ago today, I was at 188.6, so I am hopeful that I can get back down to that fairly quickly and then work on the next ten pounds. Right now though, I am just trying to get through each day low carb and low calorie. It's tough. So is being fat. You gotta pick your tough.
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