197.0 1:30pm

This year has been tough. I've seen as high as 206.0 (morning weight) on the scale and haven't seen below 190.0. I've struggled mentally with a mild depression and have gone off the rails with ice cream/cookies/cake again and again. I will almost binge eat on that junk for several days and then as I watch my weight steadily rise each day (I still try to weigh in EVERY day), I will get a handle on it. I don't know what the long term solution is beyond weighing every day, remaining keto, and weighing/measuring everything + logging it for the rest of my life. My tendency to let a non-lowcarb treat turn in to a bunch of junk for days has been a reoccurring theme for so long. I hate it and yet when I am on track for a while, I get to thinking I am doing great and can afford to go off plan. It sucks. I've struggled with lethargy as well this year. I just don't have the energy I wish I had. Obviously walking would be a good step towards getting more energy. I also could stand to get more sunlight. I had PRK surgery in May and have tried to stay out of the sun for months to let my eyes heal as well as they possibly could. (I am currently at 20/10 so am super happy with the surgery outcome). I don't know, I just wish it was easier than it has been. I think about and struggle with my weight soooooo much for being 200 pounds. I eat well at least 80% of the time, but that 20% is enough to keep me at this weight.

202.2 (8am)

I was 204.4 yesterday at 8am. That was a carb bloated weight.

195.2 2pm

Woke up at 2pm. Yesterday food 783 calories, 45 g. fat, 40.3 g carb (25.8 g. NET carbs), 62.4 grams protein.

196.0 9:30 am

Low carb low food for about a week.

205.0 9am

203.2 (9am)

So this weight was preceded by ice cream, birthday cake, cookies, chips and salsa, and a lot in the way of quantities. I think I am the fattest I have been in years. Not good.

195.8 (10am)

I have been solidly in the upper 190's for the last 8-10 months I think. I have tried and tried to at least get back to the lower 180's and just continue to struggle. Today is the 2nd day of weighing/logging everything in fitday. I have had about 1000 low carb calories each day. I am going to log/weigh/calorie restrict/carb restrict for a while and see if I can't get back to a little lower, more comfortable weight. I just feel like my stomach/liver is really bloated huge lately. But I keep struggling. I will do well for a few days and then blow it with an ice cream/candy mix treat or blow it by being low carb but just eating in a real almost binging manner. It's tough. I've been struggling for so long.

199.0 (9:30am)

I am really continuing to struggle. Yesterday I was 200.4 lbs.

196.0 10:30am

I ate 2 cups of fried rice yesterday, 5 chocoloate chip cookies, 10 thin mints and a bunch of m&m's as well as about 20 oz of steak. So this is a carb bloated weight.

194.4 10:30am

My weight is gradually coming down. I am really struggling. I want to get back to my normal 180's weight.

197.6 (9am)

I have struggled all month. I also feel like I had high progesterone all month. I keep trying.

198.8 (11am)

My weight has gotten out of hand in the last month. I have put on a real 10 pounds. So that sucks. Two days ago, my 7am weight was 200.0. Unacceptable. And YET, for the last two days I have failed in the afternoon and basically binged in the evening. I am really struggling here. I have got to white knuckle it through getting my insulin down. Just feel really out of control. I am just taking today hour by hour. It's going to be tough.

191.5 (naked 8am)

192.0 for the last 2 days post 8 oz water. I am 14 days into a 2400 high carb meal dependent study. I am happy this morning that I am not higher than I am. I will leave on the 22nd and am hopeful that my Jan 1, 2017 weigh-in (low carb, low fed) will be 184. I will never again do a study that requires 100% meal completion. It's not worth it. I would like to know what my blood sugar has been running with all the carbs. I was sick with coughing and runny nose for about a week and yesterday was the first day that I felt quite good. I will leave in another 5 days.

193.6 4am (Day after Thanksgiving)

193.6 4am Full Weight. Carbed up weight.

184.8 (9:15am)

Almost back down to solid sub 30 bmi. I've been working solidly at it for about a month and a half. Weight is frustratingly hard to lose anymore. I keep persevering though. I am hoping/planning to continue on a lose about 8 more pounds between now and the end of the year (1 pound per week). I would be so happy to get down to 160 and keep it there. Twenty-five pounds shouldn't be that hard after losing more than seventy-five pounds, but it has been harder than I ever imagined. It really takes consistently doing things on point macro-wise and allowing myself to often be hungry. I haven't been under 183 in over six months though, and I just don't find that acceptable anymore.

194.4 (noon)

I have been in the 190-195ish range since late May. I haven't been weighing every day. I've been eating to many carbs. My energy is VERY low. I don't have ambition for doing things. I don't feel great. I need to get these 10 pounds I have gained OFF. I am starting NOW. Weighing/measuring/counting calories and carbs.

I've been watching a lot of youtube videos about cortisol and thyroid hormone.

182.8 7a.m. Low carb, low food weight

So, weight wise I am back to my pretty consistent for the last 2 years weight. (I think of that as being 183 low carb weight). I am going to make and effort over the next four months (or however long it takes, to get down to at least sub-161). I know I've said that before... but I really feel like it's time. I am so tired of going up and down over the same 10-15 pounds. I AM proud of myself for maintaining where I have.. but it is no longer enough. It is time to get where I want to be.

186.8 (7:45am)

This is my high carb moderate food prior day weight. My low carb weight is probably 182-183? Anyway, I am holding steady. I am currently out of town working and have no real control over my meal choices. I have been eating a lot of carbs and feeling a lot of hunger as a result. I have felt the need to look at recipes on the internet (a sure sign my carb consumption is too high). I'm ok with my current weight. I've been spending a lot of time lately though wondering if I could get back in athletic shape. I would like to. How much I would like to is in question though. I am 41 now though, and am kind a feeling like I need to start taking that seriously.

187.0 (8:30am)

yesterday ate an apple fritter AND a large Braums Reeses mix with extra reeses. So this is the carb bloated weight. 2pm - 3 hardboiled eggs (170 grams) (262 calories). 4pm - hot cocoa made with 26 grams whey protein, 20 grams heavy cream, sucralose powder, low carb almond milk (200 calories)

180.8 (11:15am)

184.0 yesterday at 6am, 180.8 today at 11:15am. It makes a huge difference in my weight what time of day I weigh in at. I have always noticed this. It's weird though. Maybe my level of dehydration overnight?

183.0 (8:15 am)

So, 183.0 is my low carb low food weight. (What I consider the "start point" of my weight loss). I tracked and logged on fitday yesterday. I ended up at 836 calories (low carb). I'm happy with that. I am happy with how today has gone so far as well. (Coffee with 126 grams half and half, a 4 oz (raw weight) hamburger patty and 5.9 oz raw turnip. I think I will have chicken breast and cabbage tonight. I would REALLY like to get in the real weight loss groove again. I feel cautiously optimistic. I saw some pictures of myself yesterday from when I was at my high (261). It was so shocking. I guess I often forget how much better it is right now. I have been struggling up and down between 176 and 189 basically for the last 2 years now. I am proud to have maintained this weight loss. I've been hard on myself for not losing more (any) during the last 2 years. What I have accomplished IS fantastic though. I forget that. And seeing how much better I look, and remembering how much better I feel, reminds me that it would be worth it to get the last 20-40 pounds that I would like to lose off.

183.8 (noon)

Today I commit to weighing my food... putting it in Fitday, weighing on my scale daily (unless not possible due to work circumstances), and going low carb low calorie. I am committing to doing this for a time duration, NOT until I reach a specific weight. I as always can eat as much low carb as I want (with a dream goal of 700 calories, a happy goal of 1000 calories, and success sub 2000 calories). I am committing to this through May 1st, 2016. 119 Days. During that time period it is POSSIBLE to lose 40.8 pounds. I would be quite happy to get down to 161 (100 pounds lost). But mainly, I want to focus on the actions. My weight will end where it wants to. I've struggled the last 2 years to stay at this weight. I HAVE been successful, but have continued to have reaccuring periods of a week to two weeks during which I basically eat whatever I want to almost binging. I repeatedly have lost 10 pounds and promptly regained it. I would really like to focus on trying to get my body to a place where I am happy with it. I don't know if I will ever be "happy" with my body, because of the skin issues caused by being so overweight, BUT I would like to feel in control and proud of my BEHAVIOR.

184.4 8:15am

185.6 (9:45)

182.6 (9:30 am) (3rd day in Texas)

I am working in Texas for the next 19 days. I am hoping to get my weight back under 185 during that time. I even plan to do a little walking each day. Eating like a machine for the 2 weeks around thanksgiving put a solid 7 pounds or so on me. Not sure why I did that beyond PMS. Just a horrible trend.

183.2 (9:15am)

I've eaten like a pig for the last 6 days or so. PMS or gluttony, I'm not sure.

174.8 (11:30am)

Well, getting under 175 was a tremendous accomplishment. To say it has been HARD is such an understatement. I still would at some point like to get down to 161 (100 pounds lost). It's been so difficult just getting to 174.8 though, that I just don't know if it is possible. I am hoping that my continued weight loss will equate to greater insulin sensitivity.

80.45 kg (10am) (177.36lbs) wearing t-shirt, yoga pants, panty, bra and socks) after drinking 16 oz water

I am REALLy close to 175 (naked, no food, no water, morning weight) I think. I THINK I am at a new low. I feel like I am. I can feel all my ribs really readily now (front and back). I head home in 4 more days. I am hoping to be able to get solidly under 175 before leaving. That would be really awesome. I haven't been at 175 in a very long time. I think it's been since 2002? Somewhere in there. I should be able to get out some old winter clothes out of storage that should fit well now. That's exciting. One of the favorite parts of weight loss for me is getting out old clothes that I used to wear and trying them on again and having them fit. I remember when I was 250-260, going through all my old clothes and just thinking that they were so SMALL. It's kinda weird to have weight loss work after having it not work for so long. I also think it's really fortunate that I stabilized at 180-195 for around 20 months. I almost don't believe that I can lose any more weight from here. Each pound is very, very difficult to lose. However, I do believe it benefits me (better for my joints and insulin sensitivity), so I keep on trying. Whether it is sustainable in the long run, I just don't know. It's so very easy for me to go home after a business trip and regain all I've lost in a matter of 10-14 days. It's so hard not to allow that to happen every time. Honestly, I know my life won't change at all, by being any thinner than I am now. If anything, I worry about what my skin will look like. I will look better in clothes, but worse out of clothes. My breasts are back down to a solid B cup. If I had the time off of work and the faith in cosmetic surgeons required, I would have a circumferential body lift (tummy tuck), but I doubt I will ever go that route. Perhaps if I get another 30 pounds off and the state of affairs is too depressing, I would... I just doubt I ever will.

I feel good lately though. Hopeful that I have finally figured out how to beat obesity. It still requires a tremendous amount of daily weighing and depriving me of a lot of the foods I would prefer to eat. But I do feel like I solidly understand what I need to do to maintain my weight sub-200 pounds. I would like to say sub-190 pounds, but I do know that I plan to NEVER allow it to get over 200 again. I think that may be the benefit of having stayed at this weight for as long as I have. It really gave my brain a chance to get used to being this weight. I no longer feel skinny at this weight. I feel normal. Even though this is the thinnest weight I have been in a very, very long time.

178.8 (9am)

I'm still in KC. Quite happy to be at this weight this morning. I am GOING to get under 175 once and for all.

181.2 (10:30am) (In K.C.)

This is my low carb weight. I'm fairly ok with it. I will be in K.C. another 12 days and hope to make a 3-4 pounds loss. Today the food menu looks to be incredibly carb heavy, so not sure how well I can do. I just skipped breakfast, as it was just starches and sugar.