190.0 7:15 a.m.

Down 2.6 lbs while I was away. I consider that an grand success. I made the best meal choices I could. Food was provided to me and I just did the best I could with what I had. It was tough and I felt like I was hungry quite a bit of the time. I got home yesterday around 3pm and bought veggies and meat for the coming week. I am quite proud of myself for that part as well. Having the appropriate foods on hand is about 80% of the problem for me. Then just have to make sure I eat those choices instead of other poor choices.

192.6 (11:15am).

So, I am getting all packed today and leaving bright and early tomorrow morning. I have anxiety about it, because I always have anxiety about new things. I'll be glad when I am there and know what to expect. Diet yesterday was excellent, but I didn't weigh anything on the scale. But both meals were with 4 oz lean beef cooked 8-12ish oz of low carb veggies. I had coffee with heavy cream for breakfast.

196.6 (10am) after eating taco bueno last night

Super frustrated that I am AGAIN having so much trouble. I really need to get incredibly strict for a while, but to have faith in myself that I can be strict if I want to.

192.2 (9:15am)

Quite a few calories yesterday (1557), but the weight is going down. I am committing to WEIGHING and RECORDING all my food in fitday EVERY day that I am not away on business through August 31st. Realistically (assuming I normally use 2000 calories, which I think is quite conservative), I can lose 16.2 lbs of fat (plus a little bit more water weight that I am still probably carrying right now). So, I think I could potentially (best case scenario) get down to 176.0 by September 1st.

I had coffee with 54 grams heavy cream and sucralose powder for breakfast. For lunch I made 4oz (raw weight) 73/27 ground beef with 1.5 oz raw very thinly sliced onion, 7 oz (raw weight) green cabbage and 8.5 oz zucchini squash cut into noodles with my julienne slicer (about $2 on ebay out of china), salt, pepper and garlic powder. Lunch was delicious. For dinner I think I am having a 6 oz (raw frozen weight) of tiliapia cooked with about 8 oz zucchini cut into long wedges. I wrap it both things up in a tinfoil pounch with salt, pepper and garlic powder (dill or parsley can be good too) and cook it in my convection oven 30-40 minutes (I like it super well done). I then make a sauce out of 50 grams sour cream, garlic or onion powder, white vinegar, sucralose powder and any other spices/seasoning I feel like throwing in at the time. This is a delicious dinner and one that I ate quite a lot last summer when I was losing a lot of my weight. I am trying to eat more vegetable and keep my calories in check for each day, but again, low carb is more important than calorie restriction.

I got a call today to finalize my business trip next week. I will be heading out early Monday morning and will be gone almost 2 weeks. I would like to just hold steady weight wise during that time and be conscious of what I am eating during that time and make the best choices that I can. It is hard when you don't control your own food, but I will just do the best I can.

I also wanted to touch briefly today and smarties candies. Dr. Richard Bernstein recommends 5-6 smarties (dependent on body weight), when you feel anxious/hyperinsulinemic. It is supposed to be enough to raise your blood sugar about 10 points, but not be enough to force your body to release more insulin. I have been trying that in the evenings when I get that frantic hungry for starch (goodies) feeling. It really does seem to work. The smarties candies are dextrose (versus the standard sucrose/fructose that is in most candies/baked goods etc). The dextrose is supposed to be available to the body IMMEDIATELY without going through any chemical processing by the body. So far it DOES seem to work. Six smarties for me is about 40% of one of those rolls. Only 10 calories and about 2.5 grams of carbohydrate (straight dextrose sugar). Pixie sticks also contain straight dextrose, but I don't know what the dosing would be for the pixie sticks.

Later that day (8:36pm)

Wow. I am really struggling right now. I ended the day at 777 calories. I am quite pleased with that. I will shoot for 800-1000 calories for the next 5 days and then on Monday shoot for 1400 calories / 100 Net carbs.

197.0 (9:30am)

Yeah. Just very frustrating. I am on track now... will have coffee with cream and avocado salad later and then hamburger with cabbage stir-fry for dinner. I am just pretty disappointed in myself.

204.0 (8:45PM) Fully dressed jogging pants, panties, bra, shoes, socks, tank top after eating a ton of junk all day204.

204.0 (clothed, stuffed with high carb foods). NOT OK

193.2 (9am)

I did so well through the early part of yesterday and then just blew it last night.

I started out with coffee with heavy cream and sucralose powder (as usual). Lunch was half a head of cauliflower microwaved till tender and mixed with 30 grams shredded cheese, salt, pepper and garlic powder. (This is delicious BTW). I went to the gym in the evening and did 30 minutes hard on the eliptical machine. I am trying to up my heart fitness. I don't believe exercise to be at all beneficial for weight loss (in fact I think it makes it much harder to lose weight), but I am attempting to get in to better cadiovascular health. My husband cooked steaks on the charcoal grill for dinner. I had about a 12 ounce steak and then had over 36 ounces of watermelon. Then everything went to heck in a handbasket. I had 2 pieces of cheesecake, 5 lemon shortbread cookies, and 3 bologna and american cheese white bread sandwiches. I blame it all on the exercise and the watermelon. Too much fructose and too much exertion just got me to the point of being an eating machine.

At this point I am just super frustrated that I haven't been able to get and STAY under 30 BMI despite working on it for the last 3+ months. I am right where I started in March. What the heck???? I just really need to get and STAY under 30 BMI and I keep sabotaging myself with carby junk. That's so not necessary. I don't know what my problem is. But I need to quit it.

Today I will just focus on today. I want to stay under 800 calories, under 60 protein and under 40 net carbs. So far I have had 51 grams of heavy cream in my morning coffee. I am starving right now (because of last night junkfest no doubt), and will make the rest of the head of cauliflower with 30 grams of cheese. Then tonight I will have a 5 ounce pork loin with some sauerkraut. I will see if I can get some more veggies in there as well, but will have to input all this in fitday first and see how I can make it work.

Ok... it will be about the following:

Breakfast: coffee with 51 grams heavy cream and sucralose powder to taste

Lunch: 19.08 oz (raw weight) cauliflower with 30 grams shredded cheddar/colby cheese

Dinner: 5 oz pork loin (trimmed to lean meat only) with 4 ounces sauerkraut and 12 oz (raw weight) broccoli.

Day totals: 762 calories, 37.3 grams fat, 59.1-25.2 = 33.9 grams NET carbs, 59.0 grams Protein

I have 9 more days to control my foods and then 13 days where I won't and then at least 17 days before August 6th.

189.4 (11am)

It feels amazing to be back under 190. I am super excited to not have as far to go to get back under 30 BMI as I thought I had. I am not kidding myself, these last 6-7 pounds were the crazy easy pounds. The next 6-7 pounds will probably take me about 3 solid weeks of consistently being hungry and eating on plan. I have exactly 2 weeks from today until I won't be able to control my food for 12 days. I am going to try to make the best of it.

I also went to the gym today and did the Precor eliptical at my maximum normal for 25 minutes. I came home and kinda felt sick from getting overheated. I am glad I went though. I am still trying to get my heart health up and get a lower pulse. Increasing my physical endurance is my health goal for the summer.

So far today I have eaten a peanut butter Pure Protein bar (walmart 200 calories) and a 5.43 oz Californian avocado. I will probably eat a 1/4 lb lean beef patty chopped up and cooked with 16 oz zucchini "noodles". That would put me at 805 calories for the day. I will really try not to eat more than that, but am not sure if I will be able to do it. I was especially hungry the last two days and not able to stick with my caloric goals (although I did stick with my low carb goals minus the m&m's).

190.8 (10am)

Was pleasantly surprised to see this weight. I ate 2000 low carb calories yesterday and then had 660 calories worth of plain M&M's. I felt really bad about that, but unable to control myself. Oh well. Today is a new day. I know I don't fail when I goof like that, but when I fail to keep trying. I will have my regular breakfast today of coffee with 50 grams heavy cream and continue on as if nothing happened. What else can you do?

191.2 (9:00am)

I am please to be back down to 191.2. It makes it seem not so daunting to get back under 185. I am still being quite strict with weighing food and putting it in fitday. I plan to maintain strictness until I leave for my business trip on July 7th. It will be hard, but I can do it. Supposedly I am getting almost a 1500 calorie deficit per day right now. Hopefully I can see a 2.5 pound loss per week for the next 2.25 weeks and see almost another 6 pounds lost before I leave. That would put me right at 185-186. I plan to maintain (not lose or gain) while I am away (I will be gone 13 days) and then resume strictly when I get back. I have a couple of 2 day business trips on July 25-26 and then on August 5-6. Then in August I will be having my tubes tied. I don't have a firm date for that yet... but everything should fairly be back to normal after that. I am hoping by late August to be able to get down solidly under 180. It would be fantastic if I could even see a new weight loss low (under 176.6 achieve 12/22/13). It's kinda sad to realize I am 15 pounds up from what I was at that time, but honestly, with all the changes my life has been through in the last 7 months, I am ok with it. I am actually quite proud to have basically stayed in this 180-195 range all this time. It is so easy for me to put weight back on after losing it. I really feel like this was a huge thing to stay sub-200 lbs.

192.8 (de-carbed, low food weight @ 10:30am)

So, I am very excited to have only 15ish lbs to go until my immediate goal. I will focus on getting back below 190 right now. I am also celebrating getting back under 195. I feel so much better when I have a good gap between me and 200 pounds. I have almost exactly 10 pounds to go to get back under 30 BMI... (clothed weight of 185), so that shouldn't be overly hard. It IS a good solid month of eating low carb/ low cal though.

197.6 (10:45am). Full carbed up weight

Today marked the one year anniversary of my serious attempt at losing some weight. I am down right at 40 pounds since that time. For the first 6 months I weighed every day and logged every bite that I ate in Fitday. I got down as low as 176ish in early december (I think?) and have been up and down between 180 to upper 190's since that time. I have logged some of what I ate, but not consistently, since January of this year. I have weight most days, but again, not every day, since January. I feel pretty comfortable at this weight, as if I have stabilized at this weight. I am too high in the upper 190's and would like to be solidly below 180. I am going to log everything, weigh every day, and keep my calories low for a month or two and try to get solidly, permanently sub-180 (I would like to permanently end up at least sub 175). I think it's gotten pretty hard to lose more weight and keep it off. I get up close to 200 pounds and get scared and get my act back together. But honestly, I would really really like to be at least a solid size 12, loose 14. I am happy that I lost weight as slowly as I have and have been at this weight and down to 180 for the last 6 months. It really allowed my head to get ok with being this size and accepting that this is the new me. It also hopefully has given me better skin recovery than I could have expected had I lost 100 pounds in 8 months or whatever it is that people do when they lose weight crazy fast. Having said all that, I am ready to lose some more fairly quickly and then see if I can stabilize at a new lower weight. It's hard to do so. I am not kidding myself about the fact that IF I eat higher carb crap, I consistently gain weight. I am hoping that with time, I can usually eat low carb and occasionally eat some treats and not gain weight too much. I am trying to find some balance, that includes occasional indulgences and hopefully long term would not require weighing and logging everything I eat. I am OK if that is what is required... I can do that. I just hope I don't have to.

Today was kinda rough, as it usually is when I have to rein myself back in. I struggled with some self-sabotage thoughts tonight. My insulin is still high and I am going to struggle with hunger as I go back into ketosis and still have higher insulin levels. That is just to be expected. I have kinda gotten used to that. It doesn't make the struggle any easier, but it does help to recognize that it is just part of the process and I have to white knuckle it through it.

One week ago today, I was at 188.6, so I am hopeful that I can get back down to that fairly quickly and then work on the next ten pounds. Right now though, I am just trying to get through each day low carb and low calorie. It's tough. So is being fat. You gotta pick your tough.

188.6 (10:45am) Low carb low food weight. Post exercise day.

I am super excited to be back in the upper 180's. I only have about 10 pounds to get solidly back sub 30 BMI. (5 pounds to be under it, but 10 pounds to be comfortably under it).

192.0 (7:15am)

192.8 (10:30 am) Carbed up, too much food the prior day weight

185.2 (9am with socks, scrub bottoms, tshirt, sports bra and panties)

I am FINALLY back under 30 BMI. I really want to drop back under 180 though, so I am solidly under 29 BMI. All of which is still classified as overweight (instead of obese). I would have to get under 155 to be in a "normal" weight range for my height. I definitely COULD lose another 30 pounds, but I don't know if I would spend the rest of my life struggling to stay there. Perhaps not. Maybe with increased weight loss will come increased insulin sensitivity. I'm not sure. I don't know if when I get out of here I want to try a stint at ketogenic non-tracking calories.

187.6 with pajama pants, bra, tshirt, panties and socks (10am)

So, I have been out of town for the last 13 days and I will be here for another 23 days. I don't have control of the food, other than to not eat certains things that are on my plate. So, I am trying to keep my carbs to a minimum, but it is difficult. I certainly have not been in ketosis at all during this time. I can tell however, that my weight is coming down. I have been quite strict with myself about what I shouldn't be eating and have done as well as possible at each meal. I am hoping to be able to lose another 5 pounds or so in the next 3+ weeks. It will be rough, but doable, I think.

195.2 (noon) Carbed up weight, as well as PMS bloat

I have continued to weigh every day since June 20th, 2013. I quit logging my food some time in January and have only been keto on track about 1/3 - 1/2 of the time since that time as well. I have put on a real 10-15 pounds of fat. I can see it in my stomach, arms, legs, thighs and butt. I am committing right now to LOGGING everything I eat (good or bad) and attempting to stick to 720 calories for a while (this seems to actually make it easier to get back into ketosis). Unfortunately, I am looking at doing a medical trial and so cannot utilize my diet pills right now for hunger control. I will just have to white knuckle it back. I realistically know that if I could get back on track for a good week to 10 days it would get a lot easier.

180.2 (10:30am)

Today will be my 5th day that I have been back on track. I am hopeful that I am past the worst cravings. I have taken 2 diphenhydramine per day for the last 4 days. I have been taking 1 in the morning with my morning coffee at 11am and 1 in the afternoon at 3:30 - 4:00 pm. That seems to be working pretty well. I am still white knuckling it for a little while each evening from around 8-10 pm, but they are helping enough that I think they are well worth the trouble I have going to sleep each night (as well as the expense). I think I might continue taking them for at least another couple days. I want to be 100% firmly in ketosis and not wavering in my commitment. I had to many false starts of "getting back on plan" from the end of December through the first half of January to take this lightly. I was kinda getting scared that I wouldn't be able to do it. I want to remember that when I am tempted to have an off-plan meal (non-ketogenic) in the future. It can provoke a lot of mental and physical suffering getting back into ketosis. I have done so well this past year and it really just is NOT WORTH IT.

Yesterday I tried something new (although just a twist on something I have been doing in the past). I have these little 2 oz plastic salad dressing containers and lids that you can get at the restaurant supply. I melted 20 grams of sugar free chocolate wafers (I get this in the bulk bins at Winco) melted with 5 grams of butter. I stir that up after it's been microwaved to the melting point, then stir in 10 grams of non-sweetened dehydrated coconut. It comes to 192 calories and is very good. It is like a commercial candy bar, but doesn't seem to be too triggering. The nice thing is that they don't require refrigeration, so I will be able to take them with me when we are working out and about in the next month or two. I made up 10 servings last night and put them all in a ziplock in my refrigerator so they are ready to grab and go in the coming weeks. I also think I will do up some little containers of raw almonds that are pre-measured out like that as well. Having stuff ready to go is such a big part of making this food plan work. When you come in from a long exhausting day of manual work out in the cold it is VERY easy to go off plan because you don't want to hassle with figuring something out to eat. I've found that things like this are not a "meal", but they can give you something to eat until you can calm yourself down and wait a little bit to make a proper ketogenic meal. I think a lot of us who have been obese in the past really struggle with extreme hunger in a different way than normal weighted people who have never been obese. I guess that makes a lot of sense because obesity is really a dis-function of one's own fat burning. I hope/pray that with time, my body will increase it's ability to readily switch to fat burning. I DO think this has improved... I am not sure if it is more a result of the regular lower insulin levels, the increased sensitivity to my own insulin for the weight-loss that I've already had, or an increased number of mitochondria.

So, things are looking up. I am really happy to be back down to 180.2 and am focusing on getting under 175.0 pounds. 5.4 pounds to go! That is super exciting.

186.4 lbs (9am) down from 189.8 yesterdays carb bloated weight

Well, I've basically been off plan with good days ever 2nd or 3rd day for the last 25 days. In that time I have gained a real 9-10 pounds. I can put on weight really quickly when I go back to eating whatever the heck I want in the quantities I want. I am committed to being back on track now though. I have the induction headache to prove it. I just feel horrible right now. I am going to drink some homemade broth with added bouillon and low salt to it to see if that helps. Perhaps my sodium, potassium, magnesium or calcium is out of whack.

I can definitely tell that my body has more fat than it did in late December. My stomach is bigger as well as my thighs and arms. I don't really feel upset about the situation though, just dreading the struggle to get firmly back into ketosis. I took 2 diet pills yesterday. One around 1pm and one around 4pm. I then still REALLY struggled from around 9pm to 1am. I know today is going to be hard. Probably much harder than yesterday. I plan to take diet pills to help the transition and to make sure to drink plenty of water... other than that, I know I just have to suffer through it. It gets easier with time and improved ketosis.

Breakfast: 11am Coffee with 76 grams half and half, sucralose powder, 8 drops almond extract

The coffee was good. I have consistently been drinking coffee with half and half or heavy cream for my breakfast for most of this weight loss journey (since June 2013 that is). It seems to work fairly well. I try to hold off until 11 am for my morning coffee, as that pushes my eating later for the entire day. This seems to work better. I tried to utilize the Kruse Leptin protocol for a while last spring (huge protein/fat breakfast immediately upon waking), but after reading itsthewooo.blogspot.com, I've kinda started thinking (for ME) that the Kruse protocol doesn't address what is wrong with me metabolically. She recommends (as something that has worked well for HER after losing over 1/2 her body weight and keeping it off for over a decade) eating when your body tells you to eat. For her that is in the evening, and for me that is in the evening. I have NEVER been hungry in the mornings. Even as a child I remember waking up not hungry. My mom was huge on sending her kids off with a good breakfast though and I either always had toast with full fat chocolate milk (homemade from raw dairy), breakfast cereal (Kix, cheerios, wheaties, etc..), or pancakes. I invariably was STARVING by 10-11am (to the point I can remember my stomach consistently growling really loudly during a early morning math class when everyone was really quiet). Anyway - all that to say, I am still trying to figure out what works best, but it seems as if a 100% fat macro breakfast works best for controlling my caloric intake throughout the remainder of the day. I also just never feel quite "right" eating solid food in the morning.

I have plans to eat a cranberry protein shake later today. Then tilapia and zucchini and then later still tilapia and frozen green beans. I'm sure tonight will be TOUGH.

183.8 lbs (9am)

So, I ended up eating slightly different than I planned, but it was spot on plan in regards to macro-nutrients. My weight is down about 2 1/2 pounds this morning from yesterday, so it will be slower going getting under 180, but I will just focus on each day. I ate yesterday:

75 grams heavy cream with coffee, sucralose powderand almond extract (the sucralose powder purchased on Amazon is absolutely amazing. It has zero fillers like "splenda" in the big yellow bags and is way way cheaper in the long run). I used to buy "Ez-Sweetz" on Amazon which is this same powder added with water in a dropper bottle form, which is also really good, but this is way cheaper).

1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk with 13 grams Body Fortress Vanilla Protein Powder (both available for purchase at wal-mart)

4.62 oz raw lean beef steak (all fat removed) cooked in 11 grams butter. Eaten with 9.35 oz (raw weight) microwave steamed cauliflower.

697 calories, 50.3 grams fat, 19.4-7.6 = 11.8 grams NET carbs, 44.9 grams protein

I plan to have pretty much the same thing today and have already had my coffee with heavy cream. I am feeling hopeful that I can be productive today and keep myself on plan. I want so badly to get under 170. I think I look "normal" now, but still feel like I am a little too heavy to comfortably ski (I have bad knees). I would like to go skiing before we move this spring, but still feel like I am not in shape enough. I do not want to do any structured exercise though, as that seems to inevitably hurt my "dieting" (I don't think of this way of eating as necessarily dieting, as I need to eat like this for the rest of my life to keep my blood sugar and hyperinsulinemia in check, but getting into nutritional ketosis is hard and having extra cravings at this point is counter-productive to my goals).

186.2 (10am)

So, I have basically been eating on plan / off plan / on plan / off plan / on plan / etc... since Christmas Eve. Yesterday I ate 6,228 calories (461.3 carbs (not net)). Obviously my weight is up because of food in my belly (about 2 pounds probably) and water weight (3-4 pounds), which means I am up 4 real pound in the last 2 weeks. Not cool. I am committed to being back on track TODAY (will eat 700 calories MAX and watch my macro-nutrients VERY closely).

My plan for what I eat is as follows:

Coffee with 75 grams heavy whipping cream, 8 drops almond extract and powdered sucralose (the stuff in splenda without all the maltodextrin filler).

I will have a protein shake (1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 13 grams Body Fortress vanilla protein powder, coffee and maybe a touch of sucralose)

I will have a 2nd protein shake a couple hours later.

For dinner I will have a 4 ounce (raw weight) piece of steak (all fat removed) and 8 ounces of frozen green beans.

This will bring me to the following totals for the day:

681 calories, 43.3 grams fat, 24.9-9.7 = 15.2 NET carbs, 51.1 grams protein

I have found keeping calories low, carbs very low, and protein RDA minimum allows me to most easily get back into ketosis (with the least amount of physical/mental struggle). I plan to eat very closely to this exact plan for the next week at least. I think if I adhere to this for seven days I should be back down to about 178-179 lbs by next Sunday (a week from today). Then I will take my 179 photo and concentrate on getting under 175. I'm a little disappointed in myself, that I have allowed myself to stray so far off plan in the last two weeks. I just is really really hard to get back 100% on plan when you stray. With my family's upcoming move and all the stress that comes along with that, I really need to make sure that I am not failing myself with my diet. I just FEEL so much better when my body is a fat burning machine.

I HOPE I don't have to resort to a diet pill today. I doubt I will. Normally the first day back on plan is easy, and then the 2nd day is harder and the 3rd and 4th day are the hardest. Then it starts to get easier. (At least this is how it works for me). I need to make sure that I drink plenty of water today and add plenty of sodium/potassium salt (the low salt stuff) to my dinner tonight.

180.4 (10:30am)

On January 1, 2013 I weighed in at 252.0 lbs.

Today, on January 1, 2014 I weighed in at 180.4 lbs.

I have lost a total of 71.6 lbs over the last year. I have weighed and logged my food in fitday EVERY day since June 20th, 2013. Between January 1st, 2013 and June 20, 2013 I managed to get down from 252.0 to 239.2 lbs (a difference of 12.8 lbs). I logged over half of the days on fitday in between January 1st and June 20th, 2013. It really improved my ability to get back on track and continue on with correct eating when I committed to weighing myself (and my food) EVERY day in Fitday. It has made a tremendous difference and is something I plan to stick with long term.

I think the diet pills (phendimetrazine) helped 10% in my weightloss and were well worth the expense. I got a groupon for the initial consult and testing for $89 and then each refill of 60 pills (enough for 2 per day) was an additional $89. I think I may have got 4 refills? Regardless, I have taken very few of the pills and having them on hand is quite reassuring as a tool to help the transition back into ketosis after I have fallen off my macronutrient goals and fallen out of ketosis. I went "off plan" from Christmas day through December 28th. I got back on plan (macro-nutritionally as well as calorically) on December 29th and took one pill on the afternoon of December 30th, when I felt like I might really struggle that evening. Yesterday, December 31st was rough, but I chose not to take a pill. I really prefer not to, if at all possible. I ended up eating 100% on plan macro-nutritionally but eating 2300 calories (all weighed and measured on my digital scale and logged in fitday as usual). I probably have well over 200 pills remaining though... and that makes me feel like between that tool, and understanding that I am always only 3-4 days (white-knuckled if need be) from getting back into ketosis, I definitely feel like I can do this for life. I even donated a good portion of my fat clothes to a thrift store two days ago. I am NOT gaining this weight back. I don't even care that much how much better I look. I care how much better I FEEL. I still hope to get down to 139.2 pounds by June 20, 2014. (170 days from now). A loss of 41.2 more pounds. I will need a deficit of 848 calories per day to achieve that goal. I continue to do no additional exercise other than the normal activity that I feel like doing based on feeling so much better. I DO NOT believe in doing exercise for weight loss. It is counter productive (increased appetite leads to loss of control). As I get lower in weight, I plan to watch my body fat percentage more closely on my Omron Body Fat monitor (wonderful gadget, only about $30 from Walmart or Amazon). I will have to lose a lot more weight to get rid of thigh and stomach fat (my upper arms are looking better than I could have hoped for). I have disturbing wrinkling above my knees. There is not a lot I can do about the extra skin. I will try to drink plenty of water and hopefully my greasy skin genes will come to benefit me. Interestingly enough, my skin has been SO MUCH better than it was when I was eating grains. Not just my acne, but the roughness of my elbows and ankles was horrible last year. They are so much better. Unfortunately, in the last two weeks I have suffered from cracked skin on the knuckles of both hands. I have been coating them with petroleum jelly (to keep my existing body moisture locked in) and it seems to be helping, but I have not been consistent enough with it.

My husband and I (as well as my stepson) plan on moving back to DH's hometown in the next 30-90 days. I used two separate diet doctor clinics in that town, so I am not worried about being about to get more pills in 2016 (what I have on hand now should last at least 2 more years minimum). I force myself not to use the pills unless it is a do or fall off my diet plan day. The pills become less effective with each and every usage, so I want to have them as an option and not burn up my body's ability to recognize them. I also DO feel like they are not great for your health, but neither is weighing 250 pounds! By far, being in ketosis, eating macro-nutritionally in a manner that doesn't cause insulin spikes, weighing and logging every bite I eat, and weighing myself every morning is more effective for weightloss than any pill I have ever taken. BUT - the diet pills can be a good tool for helping a person go through the rough days of transitioning from burning carbs to burning ketone bodies. No matter how many times I have made that transition (MANY, MANY times over the last 20 years) it is a rough thing to do. I've become less apt to go off plan macro-nutritionally, knowing that days of suffering and struggle follow my indiscretions. It's just not generally worth it. When it happens, it is never something I plan on doing, but more a lack of control. We (DH, stepson and I) went to the Chinese Buffet for DH birthday dinner. I made the conscious decision to eat what I wanted (egg rolls, wontons, battered chicken - no noodles, no rice). It's been hard (as it always is) to get back on track and I probably have another 2 weeks of mental struggle ahead of me. It's funny, it comes and goes when getting back in ketosis. I have noticed though, in the last six months that I have normally been in ketosis, that it has become easier to get back into ketosis. I think my body is becoming more adept at burning fat. It seems to help to keep calories and protein lowish when getting back into ketosis.

186.6 lbs (7:30am)

Wow. Up 10 pounds from 4 days ago. I should be up about 2.5 pounds I think from excess calories. I think I probably have an extra 2 pounds of food weight in my body right now and 5 pounds of water weight gain. I will be curious to see how fast it goes down. We went to the Chinese Buffet for my husbands birthday and then on Christmas yesterday I pretty much binged all day. I am ready to be back on my low carb diet. It will feel good not to have a yucky stomach anymore.

Later that day (7:45pm)

So I ate a bunch of junk (ice cream, chips ahoy, jelly beans, junior mints, pre-made commercial frozen meatballs with bottled Mae Ploy sweet and sour sauce (which has traditionally given me MSG headaches)) this evening... my calories now stand at 2972 for the day, 146.6 grams fat, 291.5 - 18.7 fiber =272.8 NET carbs, 128.3 grams protein. I feel HORRIBLE. My stomach is all bloated and feels sick (almost like I ate something bad). I feel all bloated and sluggish. I was complaining to my husband that I had eaten a bunch of stuff that I hadn't wanted to and he pointed out that today I had also complained that my boobs hurt. Of course! My period is coming soon. I almost always lose control during PMS week. (Which normally for me only means tender boobs, tiredness and huge cravings. I don't think I generally get moody).

176.6 lbs. (8:45am) 33.4% body fat, 27.9 BMI Per Omron

Crazy. I don't think I can adequately express how odd it is mentally for me to actually be losing weight. I have tried for so long. I had become a obese girl in my head and now that I am am normal average american woman size (size 14), it's just really hard for my mind to grasp. I think it might take a year or so for my brain to accept. I have been spot on plan for the last week to maybe 10 days. I'm not sure how strict I will be on Christmas day. Losing so much weight has made it a lot easier for me to stick to my guns in family eating situations though.

Yesterday's foods (this same sort of thing (plus amounts) were eaten over the last four days actually):

11am - coffee with 125 grams half and half, powder sucralose (from Amazon), & almond extract (8 drops)

4pm - 1/4 lb pre-made frozen hamburger patty (27/73) cooked with 3.95 oz raw onions, 11.90 oz chopped green cabbage, salt, pepper and garlic powder (note that the frozen hamburger patty was chopped up as it cooked and the onions and cabbage were sauteed in the beef fat that the hamburger patty released - no fat was removed from the pan)

6pm - 60 grams cheddar cheese (slightly warmed in the microwave)

9pm - 4.07 oz raw baby carrots and 6.98 oz raw turnip (1 medium peeled)

Thoughout the day I also drank an entire 2 liter of diet mountain dew (I am having trouble stopping this bad habit) and 1 16oz Hot herbal licorice tea (Stash brand). That hot tea is amazing. You don't have to add any sweeteners or anything and it is perect.

So yesterday ended up at 960 caloies, 60.7 grams fat, 60.2 - 16.2 fiber = 44.0 grams NET carbs (this was a little higher than normal from the 9pm 4 oz of raw carrots), 48.7 grams protein

Yesterday really represents exactly the eating pattern I've been using the lose these last 62 pounds. Low calorie, strictly controlled protein amounts (that are evenly spread throughout the day) and low carb. I feel amazing eating this way. I DO miss my old treats, but it is worth it to feel (and look!) so much better.

179.0 lbs.

Today is the 2nd day in a row under 180 lbs. =) Just weird. I've now lost a total (from my highest of 261.2) of 82.2 lbs. I can't even articulate how much better my body feels and how I am treated better by strangers. It was 3 months ago today (September 19th) that I was blogging about hitting 199.0. These last 20 pounds have been slow (averaging 6.67 lbs per month, or right at 1.5 pounds per weeks), but I think it has led me to feel solidly at my weight.

181.8 (9:30am)

I was as low as 181.0 yesterday morning. I really couldn't believe it. It's just very surreal to be able to lose this weight after trying for SO MANY years and having such little success. Really dialing in my macro-nutrients has made SUCH a difference. I tried on a pair of Levi Silvertab SIZE 11 jeans I wore all the time 15 years ago and they are so close to fitting. I can zip them and everything, but they are still a little too tight on the waist band to comfortably wear. It's just hard to wrap my mind around. My husband and I decided to get a good flat screen tv for our bedroom for a joint Christmas gift. And then we were only going to exchange about $50 worth of small gifts. Two years ago he got me 5 pairs of pajamas for Christmas and I loved that gift (they are all either XL or 1X). They are all getting way to large. I told him I wanted pajamas for Christmas, but I wasn't really sure whether I needed Large or Mediums, so I went with him and picked out all my pajamas. MOST are mediums!!! They are all still a little tight, but in another 5-10 pounds should fit perfectly. I teared up in the dressing room trying on a pair of medium satin pajamas. (The same brand as another set I have at home that is an XL and was too tight for almost 2 years for me to wear. It's just really hard to wrap my head around.

So, I am firmly in ketosis again and am hoping to be able to get down to 165 by the first of February. I got down to 163 for a couple weeks back in 2001 and then rapidly gained back 30-40 pounds that fall/winter. When I met my husband (age 22) I was right at 165-167. I haven't been less than 163 since I was 21 (17 years!!!). If I can manage to get down to 163-165 I might hang out there for a little while and let my body try to stabilize for a little bit. I really don't want to lose any more hair (hair thinning from weight loss) if at all possible. I also want my skin to rebound as well as possible. I am really lucky in that I have never really had cellulite (even at 260 lbs my skin was quite smooth), but I am getting a little wrinkling in my thigh area down to my upper knees. I am hoping to end up with nice looking upper thighs (as I like to wear shorts in the summer- even at my highest weight), so I know that slow and steady will be helpful with my skin rebound.

184.8 (9:30am), 111 mg/dL BG 10:30 am (forgot Metformin dosage last night)

So, I am pleased to FINALLY be back under 185. I am going to try really hard this month to get to 179.8 lbs. I was at 182-183 for 1-3 years when I was 22-24 years in age. (Briefly getting into the 175 area and then occationally getting up to 190. This might be a hard weight for me to break through. All I can do is my best with my eating though and see what happens.

Yesterday I went to the diet doctor and got a refill on my prescription. I hadn't been in for a refill since the start of September. I was somewhat surprised that they let me get a refill, since I had missed 2 monthly appointments. Luckily I had lost 19 pounds and I think that they like to take credit for my weight loss. I would say that the diet pills help 10%. Which is worth it to me financially, because I am so desperate to get back down to a normal healthy weight. But the true trick is logging/weighing all your food, sticking to the correct macros (fat/protein/carbs) and sticking under 40 net carbs per day, while making sure that your calories are restricted somewhat. The higher the calorie restriction the faster the weight loss, but I actually think the first 3 things are more important than the rate of weight loss. Slower weight loss is better for skin recovery and well as making sure you are getting enough nutrients. Faster weight loss is great for motivation and helping you believe you can actually lose the weight. I think if I hadn't have lost weight as quickly as I did in July and August, I might have become discouraged and went back to eating too many carbs. Having that large weight loss was very motivational though and has kept me better on track this last month or two, when I have struggled mentally with hunger. The pounds are harder to remove now and I am experiencing a lot more hunger. I don't know if that is caused by too often going to high on my carbs (leading the the "zone of misery") or if it is strictly resulting from having so much less adipose tissue to feed my energy needs.