253.0

Still no blood strips, but ate correctly yesterday

252.6

I fell off plan last night... which ended up being good, as it allowed me to get 1 hour and 2 hour numbers.

I ate 5 oreo cookies with 1 packet of top ramen, 2 eggs, & about 1.5 cups of pea/carrot mixture made with butter.

blood sugar after 1 hour - 211 !
blood sugar after 2 hours - 156

I am worse that I thought, and I think that is good to know for accepting what my situation is and dealing with it.

Most important - stay on plan & lose some weight (insulin resistance will increase with weight loss).

I am going to order some glucophage and some HCG. I've got to do it. This isn't a way to live. I don't want to burn out my pancrease. I certainly don't want the monthly expense that would come with actually using insulin.

251.4

Fasting blood glucose this morning - 120.

Weight is steadily coming down, but the blood sugar isn't. :(

252.4

Fasting blood glucose this morning 115.

Yesterdays numbers were 253.0, 130, 103, 108 (I took the blood glucose 3X because the first one was so high).

Today marks the start of day 4. I am not doing ZC. I am doing Dr. Bernstein's 6/12/12... which gives me minimal room for a few non-starchy veg. I went to the grocery yesterday and got some stuff to tide me over while DH is out of town in the coming week.

254.8

Fasting Blood Glucose this morning 121.

Bratwurst (3 carb each) and liverwurst yesterday. I felt horrible in the evening with heartburn and a very bad headache. I didn't eat much as a result. Everything I thought I could eat (eggs/liverwurst/canned fishes) I thought would make the heartburn worse. I ended up taking a Zegerid and 2 Tylenol PM.

Mild headache this morning. I am dissappointed to see how high my fasting blood glucose level is even after a day of no carbs. I think I might track if for a while to see how long it takes to come down. I imagine when it comes down, I will feel a lot better on ZC.

256.8

Morning fasting blood glucose - 126.

I'm on. It's about my health now.

257.8

Fasting Blood Glucose this morning 113.

2 Hour Post Meal Blood Glucose this evening 161.

It's time to get serious.

258.2

Wow... so I've spent the last year going on and off of zero carb. And I've managed to gain 14 lbs over the course of the year. I guess there really never can be a break. If I am going to do it, I am going to have to wrap my head around the fact that I am going to have to do it 100% of the time, no breaks, no cheats. Can I do it?

For the last week I have been absolutely fixated on what I get to eat next. I have ended each day with either a headache or a migraine. My joints hurt (not as bad as sometimes). My feet have felt really "flat". If I had stuck with it last July 1st when I started I would be around 160-170 now. Wow. I would feel really different today if that were the case. I guess I am starting again RIGHT NOW. No breaks, no cheats, no salads, no aspertame. I am ready to feel better about me and the body I am in.

257.8

If I fall off, all the weight comes back and quickly. *sigh*

253.8

Trying to get it back togetehr.

252.4

Went to mom and dad's had lunch there and mcdonalds on the way back. I am ready to be back on track.

249.0

So yesterday went out to lunch and had mexican and took home leftovers. Ate leftovers around 6pm. Then later at 1/3 of a large cookie dough blizzard and 1 5/8 meatloaf sandwiches.

I feel really good about it though. After reading about leptin, I know that I have just restored all of my leptin levels and I am ready to battle another week or two before taking anymore of a break. Because 249.0 is my new carbed up weight, it definately shows I am making headway... so I feel really good about how this is going so far.

246.2

We went to the Mexican restuarant for lunch. Brought home leftovers. I plan to not eat for the rest of the day. It's going well so far. I'm 16 days in, with reasonable breaks. 80/20 is a more reasonable plan. :)

246.8

247.0 yesterday morning. In the afternoon I had one ZC meal. A DQ cheeseburger (small) a side of onion rings and 3/4 of a large cookie dough blizzard... No dinner. I had had a very small breakfast (little bit of steak and a boiled egg).

Still on track. :)!

247.2

Ate very little yesterday, but wanted a DQ Blizzard badly. Did not give in. I have been drinking one diet soda in the evenings for the last 3 days. I don't know if it is making it harder or not.

247.2

This is the start of day 12. I am still having quite a bit of cravings in the evening... but have managed to stay strong. Each day feels a little more like this is something I can do.

248.2

247.8

I am starting to really fell better in my skin already. Weird what 10 lbs can do. :)

249.4

I had the worst ZC cravings day yesterday so far. I almost caved in... but made it. whew! so glad I made it. That was crazy hard. Not sure what triggered it. TOM?

250.4

It's still working! :)

Each day is getting a little easier and "normal" to ZC.

251.6

Today is the start of day 6 I think. It's getting easier. We have been working like crazy people and it has helped keep me distracted. I am starting to feel better.

252.6

Four days down. This is the start of day 5. :) Got to be on my toes... it's easy to make mistakes at this point in the game. Busy day ahead.

254.0 This mornign

Day 3 of ZC is almost over. Ate Liverwurst, pepperoni and am now going to have some chuck. Feeling better already. :)

255.6

I managed to stay on track yesterday. Today is the start of Day 2 ZC. :)

256.2

Start of ZC. Went and purchased pork steaks and chuck roast and eggs last night. I am going to try this without dairy and see if it helps. I have Gary Taubes new book "Why we get Fat and what to do about it", from the library yesterday and am going over Good Calories, Bad Calories again. I want to physically feel better.

I am broiling some pork steaks right now. I hope I have the strength to make this work.

259.2

See above. UGH

257.8

We are going through a big business life change right now, so life is pretty stressful.

I had eggs for breakfast (4). I feel physically horrible all the time right now.

256.4

Big news today for our business. Didn't sleep well. Will know in about an hour. Waiting on pins and needles.

255.2

Last 2 days have been a fail, but my weight is somewhat down. I am trying.

258.0 Zero Carb Day 1

This is the highest weight i have ever seen. I have been over 250 for about 2 months now. I obviously can't eat regular food anymore. My insulin response has gotten steadily worse. I feel horrible physically all the time. I am making a commitment today, May 1st, 2011. Right now. I CAN'T ever go back to what I have been doing. I am going to stick to straight meat, heavy cream and water. Maybe if I am really strict it will get easier faster this time. I am committing to daily logging my thoughts here as well as daily weigh-ins. Weigh-in this morning was at 7:45.

Joints consistently hurt and knees are cracking.
Steadily have been gaining weight since my low of 219 last time ZC (40 lbs in 8.5 months!)
Daily self recriminations.
No hope for being able to do physical things in the future unless I CHANGE what I am doing.

Mini fail last night, but I am right back on track

Last night for some reason I gave into temptation and had
3 haystack cookies
1 piece of apple pie
about 12 chicken nuggets
5 beef ravioli
& about 15 tortilla chips

But here is what I realize. I fail at dieting not when I eat things that are off plan. I fail at dieting when I don't immediately get back on plan. I need to remember that I AM going to occasionally eat things that aren't on plan. What is more important than that though is to get back to it and recover the next day.

Weight: 239.2
Appearance: Dressed with hair and makeup - check

It's been a productive morning and I am making coffee right now to have with heavy cream. I am 100% on track today. :)

237.0

Lots of coffee and heavy cream yesterday, a bit or two of fatty crockpot pork butt, then 2 chicken nuggets (approximately 6 carbs together) (my husband was fixing them for his dinner along with french fries), 2 slices of swiss cheese, and 4 eggs cooked with butter and garlic ginger paste and then eaten with blue cheese dressing. I'm not sure what prompted eating the chicken nuggets... I am just greatful that I stopped when I did.

This morning I am drinking coffee and heavy cream as usual (I have quit measuring the quantity entirely). Plans of having more pork butt and probably bacon this evening. Maybe some more coffee and heavy cream later. I really am only experiencing real cravings when my husband gets home in the evening and has his standard american diet (SAD) dinner.

I am glad to get back down to 237.0. My clothes are fitting a little better. My face still looks kinda bloated to me though. Maybe when I get back down into the 220's that will decrease a little. I am eager to fit into size 16s this spring. Hopefully when I get under 205 they will start fitting again. I have so much selection in that size range and I am so eager to get there. I think if I stay on plan I could see that weight range around the end of April to start of May. Size 16 for me is the start of being "American chubby normal" versus "American obese". There is a huge difference in how you think of yourself and how people treat you.

Anyway, I need to get on with my workday. Right now I am experiencing no cravings and feel good emotionally.

237.8

Good day. I really struggled but managed to stay on track! Going to bed now.

238.6

The new low makes me feel hopeful, but I am really really struggling this afternoon with wanting to eat. I wonder what is causing it. I feel kinda depressed too. I can't make myself work on what I need to. Booo! What's up with that? I am getting to the point where eating meat sounds disgusting. It happens every time. If I stick with it and don't give in it's supposed to get better.

239.4

239.4... busy day. Was on track yesterday with food and appearance efforts. Today has been good so far as well. We got a lot done and I feel really hopeful about life today.

Start of Day 4

Good day yesterday...
Heavy cream with coffee for breakfast
2 Burger King Double Cheese Burgers without buns or ketchup for lunch
Roast & a little blue cheese and dinner
2 large cups of Licorice Herbal Tea (straight up)
Tiny amount of Roast for after dinner snack

Stomach growled a few points yesterday, so I could have eaten more for sure. We ended up going to an auction and then to two thrift stores. We found cross country skis and poles for DH and poles and boots for me (I already have skis). We just need to order some boots for DH online and we will be ready to go X Country Skiing. :)

It's 9:45 A.M and it's raining. I got up and weighed in 239.2 and did my hair and makeup, but did put back on my pajamas as we are lazying around a bit. :) So now I look cute though.

Here's to day 4!

240.4 This morning

Weight is steadily going down and I am gaining a feeling of control. I am going to be cautious today though, because from past experience I know that day three can be dangerous.

My committment to spending more effort on getting dressed, doing hair and makeup each morning is going well. Working from home it is very easy to wear pajamas all day and never even comb my hair. I think that all can be a big part of gaining weight in the first place... and think that trying to take more pride in my appearance can be a big part of losing the weight and making my life what I want it to be.

I'm feeling good.... been experiencing a few carb withdrawal headaches. I slept through until 6am this morning though... so that's good. Today is Saturday and a partial workday (only until 2:30) and I think DH and I will go to an auction this afternoon.

I have a roast cooking in the crockpot and am drinking my coffee with heavy cream right now. I have decided to quit measuring the heavy cream. I will shoot for the color of coffee I know from experience it should look like (with 75-100mL of heavy cream in my cup). My dream is to have a life that doesn't include measuring or counting while eating ZC. I need to work towards that goal and trust that the process will work. I am keeping general track of what I am eating in a journal to see if I can find any triggers if they happen though.

Day Two!!!!!

I just feel really happy with myself that I stuck with it yesterday. The first few days of ZC are definately the hardest.

I ended up eating heavy cream (150mL total) and steak with blue cheese dressing yesterday. The blue cheese dressing was not what I plan to eat long term, but my steak was a little burnt and I am ok with using it until gone, as it is very very low carb. I do not plan to purchase any more.

I woke up at 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep (unusual for me). I think the coffee was the likely culprit. I will try to not drink coffee after 3 this afternoon and hopefully that will solve that.

I weighed in at 243.4 this morning. On my way! :)

Where I've been and where I am going -------->

July 1st - August 21, 2010 went from 243.2 to 219.4. I subsequently fell "off plan" and regained everything plus some.

December 15th - December 31st, 2010 went from 250.4 (!!!) down to about 225 and then fell off plan again when I got sick.

I have steadily been regaining everything lost since that time.

This morning I weighed in at 245.8.

I ate the remainder of an Albertsons parfait at around 11 am. I am back on plan here and now.

I am making these committments to myself:

1) To weigh EVERY DAY
2) To blog EVERY DAY (and when not possible to write on a piece of paper and later post from that)
3) To only eat meat, cheese, sour cream, heavy cream, butter, tea & coffee.
4) To get "dressed" and do hair and makeup EVERY DAY (pride in appearance is part of the solution!)
5) Restart abstinance (ZC) bracelet

Measurements just now:
Bust: 49 3/4" (at fullest measurement)
Waist: 48" (at bellybutton)
Hips: 50" (at fullest measurement)