195.2 (noon) Carbed up weight, as well as PMS bloat

I have continued to weigh every day since June 20th, 2013. I quit logging my food some time in January and have only been keto on track about 1/3 - 1/2 of the time since that time as well. I have put on a real 10-15 pounds of fat. I can see it in my stomach, arms, legs, thighs and butt. I am committing right now to LOGGING everything I eat (good or bad) and attempting to stick to 720 calories for a while (this seems to actually make it easier to get back into ketosis). Unfortunately, I am looking at doing a medical trial and so cannot utilize my diet pills right now for hunger control. I will just have to white knuckle it back. I realistically know that if I could get back on track for a good week to 10 days it would get a lot easier.

180.2 (10:30am)

Today will be my 5th day that I have been back on track. I am hopeful that I am past the worst cravings. I have taken 2 diphenhydramine per day for the last 4 days. I have been taking 1 in the morning with my morning coffee at 11am and 1 in the afternoon at 3:30 - 4:00 pm. That seems to be working pretty well. I am still white knuckling it for a little while each evening from around 8-10 pm, but they are helping enough that I think they are well worth the trouble I have going to sleep each night (as well as the expense). I think I might continue taking them for at least another couple days. I want to be 100% firmly in ketosis and not wavering in my commitment. I had to many false starts of "getting back on plan" from the end of December through the first half of January to take this lightly. I was kinda getting scared that I wouldn't be able to do it. I want to remember that when I am tempted to have an off-plan meal (non-ketogenic) in the future. It can provoke a lot of mental and physical suffering getting back into ketosis. I have done so well this past year and it really just is NOT WORTH IT.

Yesterday I tried something new (although just a twist on something I have been doing in the past). I have these little 2 oz plastic salad dressing containers and lids that you can get at the restaurant supply. I melted 20 grams of sugar free chocolate wafers (I get this in the bulk bins at Winco) melted with 5 grams of butter. I stir that up after it's been microwaved to the melting point, then stir in 10 grams of non-sweetened dehydrated coconut. It comes to 192 calories and is very good. It is like a commercial candy bar, but doesn't seem to be too triggering. The nice thing is that they don't require refrigeration, so I will be able to take them with me when we are working out and about in the next month or two. I made up 10 servings last night and put them all in a ziplock in my refrigerator so they are ready to grab and go in the coming weeks. I also think I will do up some little containers of raw almonds that are pre-measured out like that as well. Having stuff ready to go is such a big part of making this food plan work. When you come in from a long exhausting day of manual work out in the cold it is VERY easy to go off plan because you don't want to hassle with figuring something out to eat. I've found that things like this are not a "meal", but they can give you something to eat until you can calm yourself down and wait a little bit to make a proper ketogenic meal. I think a lot of us who have been obese in the past really struggle with extreme hunger in a different way than normal weighted people who have never been obese. I guess that makes a lot of sense because obesity is really a dis-function of one's own fat burning. I hope/pray that with time, my body will increase it's ability to readily switch to fat burning. I DO think this has improved... I am not sure if it is more a result of the regular lower insulin levels, the increased sensitivity to my own insulin for the weight-loss that I've already had, or an increased number of mitochondria.

So, things are looking up. I am really happy to be back down to 180.2 and am focusing on getting under 175.0 pounds. 5.4 pounds to go! That is super exciting.

186.4 lbs (9am) down from 189.8 yesterdays carb bloated weight

Well, I've basically been off plan with good days ever 2nd or 3rd day for the last 25 days. In that time I have gained a real 9-10 pounds. I can put on weight really quickly when I go back to eating whatever the heck I want in the quantities I want. I am committed to being back on track now though. I have the induction headache to prove it. I just feel horrible right now. I am going to drink some homemade broth with added bouillon and low salt to it to see if that helps. Perhaps my sodium, potassium, magnesium or calcium is out of whack.

I can definitely tell that my body has more fat than it did in late December. My stomach is bigger as well as my thighs and arms. I don't really feel upset about the situation though, just dreading the struggle to get firmly back into ketosis. I took 2 diet pills yesterday. One around 1pm and one around 4pm. I then still REALLY struggled from around 9pm to 1am. I know today is going to be hard. Probably much harder than yesterday. I plan to take diet pills to help the transition and to make sure to drink plenty of water... other than that, I know I just have to suffer through it. It gets easier with time and improved ketosis.

Breakfast: 11am Coffee with 76 grams half and half, sucralose powder, 8 drops almond extract

The coffee was good. I have consistently been drinking coffee with half and half or heavy cream for my breakfast for most of this weight loss journey (since June 2013 that is). It seems to work fairly well. I try to hold off until 11 am for my morning coffee, as that pushes my eating later for the entire day. This seems to work better. I tried to utilize the Kruse Leptin protocol for a while last spring (huge protein/fat breakfast immediately upon waking), but after reading itsthewooo.blogspot.com, I've kinda started thinking (for ME) that the Kruse protocol doesn't address what is wrong with me metabolically. She recommends (as something that has worked well for HER after losing over 1/2 her body weight and keeping it off for over a decade) eating when your body tells you to eat. For her that is in the evening, and for me that is in the evening. I have NEVER been hungry in the mornings. Even as a child I remember waking up not hungry. My mom was huge on sending her kids off with a good breakfast though and I either always had toast with full fat chocolate milk (homemade from raw dairy), breakfast cereal (Kix, cheerios, wheaties, etc..), or pancakes. I invariably was STARVING by 10-11am (to the point I can remember my stomach consistently growling really loudly during a early morning math class when everyone was really quiet). Anyway - all that to say, I am still trying to figure out what works best, but it seems as if a 100% fat macro breakfast works best for controlling my caloric intake throughout the remainder of the day. I also just never feel quite "right" eating solid food in the morning.

I have plans to eat a cranberry protein shake later today. Then tilapia and zucchini and then later still tilapia and frozen green beans. I'm sure tonight will be TOUGH.

183.8 lbs (9am)

So, I ended up eating slightly different than I planned, but it was spot on plan in regards to macro-nutrients. My weight is down about 2 1/2 pounds this morning from yesterday, so it will be slower going getting under 180, but I will just focus on each day. I ate yesterday:

75 grams heavy cream with coffee, sucralose powderand almond extract (the sucralose powder purchased on Amazon is absolutely amazing. It has zero fillers like "splenda" in the big yellow bags and is way way cheaper in the long run). I used to buy "Ez-Sweetz" on Amazon which is this same powder added with water in a dropper bottle form, which is also really good, but this is way cheaper).

1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk with 13 grams Body Fortress Vanilla Protein Powder (both available for purchase at wal-mart)

4.62 oz raw lean beef steak (all fat removed) cooked in 11 grams butter. Eaten with 9.35 oz (raw weight) microwave steamed cauliflower.

697 calories, 50.3 grams fat, 19.4-7.6 = 11.8 grams NET carbs, 44.9 grams protein

I plan to have pretty much the same thing today and have already had my coffee with heavy cream. I am feeling hopeful that I can be productive today and keep myself on plan. I want so badly to get under 170. I think I look "normal" now, but still feel like I am a little too heavy to comfortably ski (I have bad knees). I would like to go skiing before we move this spring, but still feel like I am not in shape enough. I do not want to do any structured exercise though, as that seems to inevitably hurt my "dieting" (I don't think of this way of eating as necessarily dieting, as I need to eat like this for the rest of my life to keep my blood sugar and hyperinsulinemia in check, but getting into nutritional ketosis is hard and having extra cravings at this point is counter-productive to my goals).

186.2 (10am)

So, I have basically been eating on plan / off plan / on plan / off plan / on plan / etc... since Christmas Eve. Yesterday I ate 6,228 calories (461.3 carbs (not net)). Obviously my weight is up because of food in my belly (about 2 pounds probably) and water weight (3-4 pounds), which means I am up 4 real pound in the last 2 weeks. Not cool. I am committed to being back on track TODAY (will eat 700 calories MAX and watch my macro-nutrients VERY closely).

My plan for what I eat is as follows:

Coffee with 75 grams heavy whipping cream, 8 drops almond extract and powdered sucralose (the stuff in splenda without all the maltodextrin filler).

I will have a protein shake (1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 13 grams Body Fortress vanilla protein powder, coffee and maybe a touch of sucralose)

I will have a 2nd protein shake a couple hours later.

For dinner I will have a 4 ounce (raw weight) piece of steak (all fat removed) and 8 ounces of frozen green beans.

This will bring me to the following totals for the day:

681 calories, 43.3 grams fat, 24.9-9.7 = 15.2 NET carbs, 51.1 grams protein

I have found keeping calories low, carbs very low, and protein RDA minimum allows me to most easily get back into ketosis (with the least amount of physical/mental struggle). I plan to eat very closely to this exact plan for the next week at least. I think if I adhere to this for seven days I should be back down to about 178-179 lbs by next Sunday (a week from today). Then I will take my 179 photo and concentrate on getting under 175. I'm a little disappointed in myself, that I have allowed myself to stray so far off plan in the last two weeks. I just is really really hard to get back 100% on plan when you stray. With my family's upcoming move and all the stress that comes along with that, I really need to make sure that I am not failing myself with my diet. I just FEEL so much better when my body is a fat burning machine.

I HOPE I don't have to resort to a diet pill today. I doubt I will. Normally the first day back on plan is easy, and then the 2nd day is harder and the 3rd and 4th day are the hardest. Then it starts to get easier. (At least this is how it works for me). I need to make sure that I drink plenty of water today and add plenty of sodium/potassium salt (the low salt stuff) to my dinner tonight.

180.4 (10:30am)

On January 1, 2013 I weighed in at 252.0 lbs.

Today, on January 1, 2014 I weighed in at 180.4 lbs.

I have lost a total of 71.6 lbs over the last year. I have weighed and logged my food in fitday EVERY day since June 20th, 2013. Between January 1st, 2013 and June 20, 2013 I managed to get down from 252.0 to 239.2 lbs (a difference of 12.8 lbs). I logged over half of the days on fitday in between January 1st and June 20th, 2013. It really improved my ability to get back on track and continue on with correct eating when I committed to weighing myself (and my food) EVERY day in Fitday. It has made a tremendous difference and is something I plan to stick with long term.

I think the diet pills (phendimetrazine) helped 10% in my weightloss and were well worth the expense. I got a groupon for the initial consult and testing for $89 and then each refill of 60 pills (enough for 2 per day) was an additional $89. I think I may have got 4 refills? Regardless, I have taken very few of the pills and having them on hand is quite reassuring as a tool to help the transition back into ketosis after I have fallen off my macronutrient goals and fallen out of ketosis. I went "off plan" from Christmas day through December 28th. I got back on plan (macro-nutritionally as well as calorically) on December 29th and took one pill on the afternoon of December 30th, when I felt like I might really struggle that evening. Yesterday, December 31st was rough, but I chose not to take a pill. I really prefer not to, if at all possible. I ended up eating 100% on plan macro-nutritionally but eating 2300 calories (all weighed and measured on my digital scale and logged in fitday as usual). I probably have well over 200 pills remaining though... and that makes me feel like between that tool, and understanding that I am always only 3-4 days (white-knuckled if need be) from getting back into ketosis, I definitely feel like I can do this for life. I even donated a good portion of my fat clothes to a thrift store two days ago. I am NOT gaining this weight back. I don't even care that much how much better I look. I care how much better I FEEL. I still hope to get down to 139.2 pounds by June 20, 2014. (170 days from now). A loss of 41.2 more pounds. I will need a deficit of 848 calories per day to achieve that goal. I continue to do no additional exercise other than the normal activity that I feel like doing based on feeling so much better. I DO NOT believe in doing exercise for weight loss. It is counter productive (increased appetite leads to loss of control). As I get lower in weight, I plan to watch my body fat percentage more closely on my Omron Body Fat monitor (wonderful gadget, only about $30 from Walmart or Amazon). I will have to lose a lot more weight to get rid of thigh and stomach fat (my upper arms are looking better than I could have hoped for). I have disturbing wrinkling above my knees. There is not a lot I can do about the extra skin. I will try to drink plenty of water and hopefully my greasy skin genes will come to benefit me. Interestingly enough, my skin has been SO MUCH better than it was when I was eating grains. Not just my acne, but the roughness of my elbows and ankles was horrible last year. They are so much better. Unfortunately, in the last two weeks I have suffered from cracked skin on the knuckles of both hands. I have been coating them with petroleum jelly (to keep my existing body moisture locked in) and it seems to be helping, but I have not been consistent enough with it.

My husband and I (as well as my stepson) plan on moving back to DH's hometown in the next 30-90 days. I used two separate diet doctor clinics in that town, so I am not worried about being about to get more pills in 2016 (what I have on hand now should last at least 2 more years minimum). I force myself not to use the pills unless it is a do or fall off my diet plan day. The pills become less effective with each and every usage, so I want to have them as an option and not burn up my body's ability to recognize them. I also DO feel like they are not great for your health, but neither is weighing 250 pounds! By far, being in ketosis, eating macro-nutritionally in a manner that doesn't cause insulin spikes, weighing and logging every bite I eat, and weighing myself every morning is more effective for weightloss than any pill I have ever taken. BUT - the diet pills can be a good tool for helping a person go through the rough days of transitioning from burning carbs to burning ketone bodies. No matter how many times I have made that transition (MANY, MANY times over the last 20 years) it is a rough thing to do. I've become less apt to go off plan macro-nutritionally, knowing that days of suffering and struggle follow my indiscretions. It's just not generally worth it. When it happens, it is never something I plan on doing, but more a lack of control. We (DH, stepson and I) went to the Chinese Buffet for DH birthday dinner. I made the conscious decision to eat what I wanted (egg rolls, wontons, battered chicken - no noodles, no rice). It's been hard (as it always is) to get back on track and I probably have another 2 weeks of mental struggle ahead of me. It's funny, it comes and goes when getting back in ketosis. I have noticed though, in the last six months that I have normally been in ketosis, that it has become easier to get back into ketosis. I think my body is becoming more adept at burning fat. It seems to help to keep calories and protein lowish when getting back into ketosis.

186.6 lbs (7:30am)

Wow. Up 10 pounds from 4 days ago. I should be up about 2.5 pounds I think from excess calories. I think I probably have an extra 2 pounds of food weight in my body right now and 5 pounds of water weight gain. I will be curious to see how fast it goes down. We went to the Chinese Buffet for my husbands birthday and then on Christmas yesterday I pretty much binged all day. I am ready to be back on my low carb diet. It will feel good not to have a yucky stomach anymore.

Later that day (7:45pm)

So I ate a bunch of junk (ice cream, chips ahoy, jelly beans, junior mints, pre-made commercial frozen meatballs with bottled Mae Ploy sweet and sour sauce (which has traditionally given me MSG headaches)) this evening... my calories now stand at 2972 for the day, 146.6 grams fat, 291.5 - 18.7 fiber =272.8 NET carbs, 128.3 grams protein. I feel HORRIBLE. My stomach is all bloated and feels sick (almost like I ate something bad). I feel all bloated and sluggish. I was complaining to my husband that I had eaten a bunch of stuff that I hadn't wanted to and he pointed out that today I had also complained that my boobs hurt. Of course! My period is coming soon. I almost always lose control during PMS week. (Which normally for me only means tender boobs, tiredness and huge cravings. I don't think I generally get moody).

176.6 lbs. (8:45am) 33.4% body fat, 27.9 BMI Per Omron

Crazy. I don't think I can adequately express how odd it is mentally for me to actually be losing weight. I have tried for so long. I had become a obese girl in my head and now that I am am normal average american woman size (size 14), it's just really hard for my mind to grasp. I think it might take a year or so for my brain to accept. I have been spot on plan for the last week to maybe 10 days. I'm not sure how strict I will be on Christmas day. Losing so much weight has made it a lot easier for me to stick to my guns in family eating situations though.

Yesterday's foods (this same sort of thing (plus amounts) were eaten over the last four days actually):

11am - coffee with 125 grams half and half, powder sucralose (from Amazon), & almond extract (8 drops)

4pm - 1/4 lb pre-made frozen hamburger patty (27/73) cooked with 3.95 oz raw onions, 11.90 oz chopped green cabbage, salt, pepper and garlic powder (note that the frozen hamburger patty was chopped up as it cooked and the onions and cabbage were sauteed in the beef fat that the hamburger patty released - no fat was removed from the pan)

6pm - 60 grams cheddar cheese (slightly warmed in the microwave)

9pm - 4.07 oz raw baby carrots and 6.98 oz raw turnip (1 medium peeled)

Thoughout the day I also drank an entire 2 liter of diet mountain dew (I am having trouble stopping this bad habit) and 1 16oz Hot herbal licorice tea (Stash brand). That hot tea is amazing. You don't have to add any sweeteners or anything and it is perect.

So yesterday ended up at 960 caloies, 60.7 grams fat, 60.2 - 16.2 fiber = 44.0 grams NET carbs (this was a little higher than normal from the 9pm 4 oz of raw carrots), 48.7 grams protein

Yesterday really represents exactly the eating pattern I've been using the lose these last 62 pounds. Low calorie, strictly controlled protein amounts (that are evenly spread throughout the day) and low carb. I feel amazing eating this way. I DO miss my old treats, but it is worth it to feel (and look!) so much better.

179.0 lbs.

Today is the 2nd day in a row under 180 lbs. =) Just weird. I've now lost a total (from my highest of 261.2) of 82.2 lbs. I can't even articulate how much better my body feels and how I am treated better by strangers. It was 3 months ago today (September 19th) that I was blogging about hitting 199.0. These last 20 pounds have been slow (averaging 6.67 lbs per month, or right at 1.5 pounds per weeks), but I think it has led me to feel solidly at my weight.

181.8 (9:30am)

I was as low as 181.0 yesterday morning. I really couldn't believe it. It's just very surreal to be able to lose this weight after trying for SO MANY years and having such little success. Really dialing in my macro-nutrients has made SUCH a difference. I tried on a pair of Levi Silvertab SIZE 11 jeans I wore all the time 15 years ago and they are so close to fitting. I can zip them and everything, but they are still a little too tight on the waist band to comfortably wear. It's just hard to wrap my mind around. My husband and I decided to get a good flat screen tv for our bedroom for a joint Christmas gift. And then we were only going to exchange about $50 worth of small gifts. Two years ago he got me 5 pairs of pajamas for Christmas and I loved that gift (they are all either XL or 1X). They are all getting way to large. I told him I wanted pajamas for Christmas, but I wasn't really sure whether I needed Large or Mediums, so I went with him and picked out all my pajamas. MOST are mediums!!! They are all still a little tight, but in another 5-10 pounds should fit perfectly. I teared up in the dressing room trying on a pair of medium satin pajamas. (The same brand as another set I have at home that is an XL and was too tight for almost 2 years for me to wear. It's just really hard to wrap my head around.

So, I am firmly in ketosis again and am hoping to be able to get down to 165 by the first of February. I got down to 163 for a couple weeks back in 2001 and then rapidly gained back 30-40 pounds that fall/winter. When I met my husband (age 22) I was right at 165-167. I haven't been less than 163 since I was 21 (17 years!!!). If I can manage to get down to 163-165 I might hang out there for a little while and let my body try to stabilize for a little bit. I really don't want to lose any more hair (hair thinning from weight loss) if at all possible. I also want my skin to rebound as well as possible. I am really lucky in that I have never really had cellulite (even at 260 lbs my skin was quite smooth), but I am getting a little wrinkling in my thigh area down to my upper knees. I am hoping to end up with nice looking upper thighs (as I like to wear shorts in the summer- even at my highest weight), so I know that slow and steady will be helpful with my skin rebound.

184.8 (9:30am), 111 mg/dL BG 10:30 am (forgot Metformin dosage last night)

So, I am pleased to FINALLY be back under 185. I am going to try really hard this month to get to 179.8 lbs. I was at 182-183 for 1-3 years when I was 22-24 years in age. (Briefly getting into the 175 area and then occationally getting up to 190. This might be a hard weight for me to break through. All I can do is my best with my eating though and see what happens.

Yesterday I went to the diet doctor and got a refill on my prescription. I hadn't been in for a refill since the start of September. I was somewhat surprised that they let me get a refill, since I had missed 2 monthly appointments. Luckily I had lost 19 pounds and I think that they like to take credit for my weight loss. I would say that the diet pills help 10%. Which is worth it to me financially, because I am so desperate to get back down to a normal healthy weight. But the true trick is logging/weighing all your food, sticking to the correct macros (fat/protein/carbs) and sticking under 40 net carbs per day, while making sure that your calories are restricted somewhat. The higher the calorie restriction the faster the weight loss, but I actually think the first 3 things are more important than the rate of weight loss. Slower weight loss is better for skin recovery and well as making sure you are getting enough nutrients. Faster weight loss is great for motivation and helping you believe you can actually lose the weight. I think if I hadn't have lost weight as quickly as I did in July and August, I might have become discouraged and went back to eating too many carbs. Having that large weight loss was very motivational though and has kept me better on track this last month or two, when I have struggled mentally with hunger. The pounds are harder to remove now and I am experiencing a lot more hunger. I don't know if that is caused by too often going to high on my carbs (leading the the "zone of misery") or if it is strictly resulting from having so much less adipose tissue to feed my energy needs.

191.4 (11am) Ate 5,204 calories yesterday

O.K. - I ate 5,204 calories HIGH CARB calories yesterday (including take out Chinese, oreo cookies, bologna sandwiches on white bread and noodle casserole. (Carbs came to 425.1 grams (estimate because of the chinese food with fried rice). The day prior to that I ate 4,295 calories (of which 299.3 carb grams were included). I should have had a weight gain of 1.62 pounds. I am up to 191.4 pounds this morning (11am) from 186.4 pounds two days ago. Obviously a lot of that is water weight, but even when I get the water weight to come back off, I should look at being 188.0 pounds again. *Heavy sigh*. I am just trying to put it all in perspective here. I obviously plan to get back to low carb and low calorie today. I just want to note that I haven't done anything I can't come back from. I KNOW I am going to struggle today though. What's funny to me is that none of what I ate yesterday was that good. It was good, but it made me feel physically really gross.

I have been here before though, many times. What matters now is how I handle today.

186.2 (9:30am) 102 BG

I tried on a old pair of Levi Silvertab Relaxed Fit jeans in size 11 this morning. I can get them on and buttoned, but they are too tight to wear. Jeeze. That's just weird. I was spot on plan yesterday, so I hoped this morning's weigh in would be a little lower, but it's amazing how my body continues to change even when the scale doesn't.

186.4 (9: 30 am) after eating pecan pie, 3 orange candy slices and 1 can of chickpeas the prior evening.

110 mg/dL this morning. That's the highest fasting BG reading I have seen in a long time. I forgot to take my Metformin last night and then also ate a bunch of junk. I had hoped I would get a better reading than that this morning. I have lost 75 pounds from my top weight 261.2. I don't think my pre-diabetes will ever improve 100% with even 120 pounds of weight loss (if I am ever able to get there). All I can do is keep doing what I know I should be doing. I am down 53 pounds since I got really serious about it on June 20th, 2013. I would still like to get down at LEAST below 165, but my end goal is really below 140 permanently. The truth of the matter is that my body will probably really start resisting any further weight loss at some point. I don't know when that will be. Formally obese people have really low leptin levels and lots of hypotrophic fat cells, which makes weight stabilization at a formally low weight very difficult. Over time (YEARS), some of the very small fat cells may die off.

185.0 (noon)

I stayed up this morning until 5am and then slept in until noon, so my weigh-in was much much later than normal. Thus the really low (to me) weight. I expect to be back up to 187-ish tomorrow. It WAS exciting to finally see 185.0 after all this time though. I certainly am feeling thinner in my clothes and I think my face is even showing more weightloss than it had been. I had 2 diet pills yesterday and even then, last night was kinda of a white knuckle night. Hopefully it will get better. =)

188.2 (9:30am)

Weight is back down. Ready to get down below 185. I just need to focus. I just had my first diet pill of the day at 11:35 am. I've also been having a cup of Celestial Seasoning Herbal Christmas tea with a tiny amount of sucralose. I think I should have had the diet pill a little closer to 11am, as I am feeling quite hungry already... but will try to let it kick in really good before having my first meal of the day.

Today is Saturday, so I have no plan for working. It rained a lot last night and it quite yucky out still, so I plan on laying in bed with my dogs and my laptop for some time.

Later that day...

So we ended up running around all day. I fixed my car (had a check engine light on that I needed to be off before going in to take emission testing). So I went out around 1 pm to look at the car and by 2pm had decided I needed to go to the auto salvage to see if they might have an impossible to buy wiring harness connector that I needed. I wolfed down 45 grams of cheese before heading out to the salvage. They had what we needed plus a sunvisor clip that was missing from my car and we stopped off at the auto store to get some electrical connectors for splicing the connector to the existing wiring. Not even 20 minutes later we had the ATI sensor hooked back up and the check engine light off! I love it when an automotive repair job goes so smoothly and actually WORKS! We then decided to go get a new oil pan and change the oil in the car before getting it emission tested, so headed in to Walmart. Then decided to go BACK to the salvage to pick up a few more odds and ends that are missing from my car (20 years old and missing a few interior switch handles and such). Then went to goodwill and got a new (to me) pair of down-hill skiing boots ($10 on sale!!) and back home. Then back out to Best Buy to get a game controller. Finally made it back home after 7 pm. So needless to say, I had missed the pill I intended to take at 3-4 pm and I was starving. I went ahead and took a diet pill while cooking my dinner (because I plan to stay up quite a while yet tonight), along with my Metformin (1000 XR), birth control pill, biotin and centrum multivitamin. I then made a stir-fry that I've been eating a lot of recently. 3.28 oz of lean steak (all fat trimmed off) stirfried (in water) with 8.22 oz zucchini, 7.20 oz fresh mushrooms, garlic powder, salt & pepper and then mixed up with 40 grams of sour cream. This is a delicious stir-fry and has lots of good nutrition. I normally make two servings when I fix it and then just refrigerate the second serving for my evening meal (which I then just heat up in the microwave). A big part of making this diet work is having a bunch of go to meals (and keeping ingredients on hand in the freezer and refrigerator) that make it simple to throw together a meal when you are STARVING and TIRED. That is where I have often failed in the last 15 years. By not always being prepared. This coming week will make five months of consistently weighing all my food and making sure to keep plenty of fresh veggies on hand along with appropriate meats, sour cream, neufchatal cheese, unsweetened almond milk, etc, etc.

So right now, I feel really satisfied and hopeful that I can get back on track 100% and get down to 165. I feel AT LEAST 10 years younger at 190 lbs than I did at 245+ lbs. I just can't wait to get even a little bit more weight off. I am really happy where I am right now weight wise, but also know that it will only get even better.

I also wanted to mention that I ate "junk" (hamburger helper hamburger rice, canned refried beans, 6 chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies) last night and I just felt gross in my stomach. I find that when I stick to on plan foods (no grains, potatoes, etc), that I just feel so much better digestion wise. I can be quite full, yet still feel good (not bloated and gross). I also want to note that when I eat on plan, I almost never ever have any gas. (Sorry TMI). But I think it is worth noting, because I think gas is a symptom of an unhappy digestive track. Eating appropriately thus leads to not having gas.

190.0

Yesterday I ate 158.3 grams carbs, so I am up in weight a little today (2,598 calories). October 15, 2013 (exactly one month ago today) I was at 191.4 lbs. I have basically stayed exactly the same for the last month. I may have lost maybe a pound or two. My average calories for the last month (October 19th, 2013 - Today November 15th, 2013 - 4 weeks in Fitday) is 1,890 calories. As I may have lost 1-2 pounds in that 4 weeks, it looks as if my daily metabolic rate is roughly 2000-2100 calories. Which is pretty much what Fitday thinks it would be. My averages for those four weeks were as follows:

Calories: 1890 kcal

Fat: 123.1 grams

Carbs: 122.3 grams - 28.1 grams fiber = 94.2 NET carbs

Protein: 93.8 grams

This was a lot of "good" planned days mixed in with a lot of crap throwing it to the wind days in which I overate a lot and may have even eaten some cookies or semi-sweet chocolate chips or a lot of carrots with blue cheese dressing. I really tried when I was having a "binge" eating sort of day to stick to low carb items, but even when you do that, your carbs can get quite high even eating stuff like carrots.

Overall, I consider this last month a success. I am quite happy to have stabilized at this weight fairly well and think my body probably needed this break. I am waffling between going quite low carb low calorie to get down to the 165-ish area (which I could do by the end of January if I really applied myself) or just trying to do this really slowly. The thing is, is it is quite horrible when you are in that "zone of torture" where you are not quite low enough calorically/carbs wise to consistently stay in ketosis. The ketosis means you inprove in accessing your body fat stores and I DO think my mitochondria are multiplying and improving their ability to access fat for fuel instead of glucose, when I stay low carb / low calorie. They HAVE to improve at it when I stay low carb / low calorie like that.

So, all of that to say that I have really been struggling to stick 100% on plan recently. I think that for the next seven days I will take 3 diet pills per day (11am, 3pm and 6pm) until I can get my body firmly back in ketosis. I hate to do that as that is $31.50 worth of diet pills, AND I have stopped going to the clinic, so what I have is what I will have to lose all the rest of this weight with. I think I have only taken about a total of 10-12 pills TOTAL so far though since I first got them back in July (??), but I really don't like using them unless I feel like it's necessary. Unfortunately, I guess I have gotten to the point where I feel like I keep struggling and hindering my own progress. I DO think it's good I've had a mini-break, but I am still right on the BMI over-weight / obese (30.0) cusp and I really need to get down further. I purchased some (used) down-hill skis this last week and plan to go skiing this winter. I would really like to get some more weight off before I go, as it makes it a lot safer and easier.

So, I am shooting for 720 (ideal) - 800 (maximum) through the end of January. That should result in at least a 25 pound weight loss. Way back in 2001 I lost from 190 down to 163 and I remember it made a HUGE difference in how I felt. So I think that even though 25 pounds doesn't sound like much, it will be worth it to really apply myself for another 2 1/2 months and then maybe try to stabilize at sub 165 for a while before I make a last run to take off the remaining 25 pounds.

188.6 (9:30am) 95 FBG (9:30am) 35.0% Body fat Per Omron 29.8 BMI

I was really pleased to get a weight of 188.6 lbs this morning, as I ate 2200 calories yesterday (all ketogenic of course). I am itching to get under 185 so bad, but I just couldn't seem to control my appetite at all yesterday. I don't know why. I guess my insulin levels are still coming down or something. Maybe I have hit the harder part of weight loss now that I am under a 30BMI (obese) and down into the "overweight" category. I need to get down to 158.0 lbs to be in the "normal" BMI range. That is a loss of 30.6 lbs. I feel like I CAN achieve that, if I focus and continue to log my food and make ketotic food choices. I can lose down to 117.0 lbs and still be in the "normal" range. Under that would be underweight for my height. I've thought it may be possible that I will have to go 125ish for some time to eliminate some of the subcutaneous fat on my stomach. (So I don't end up with a pooch on my stomach). It's possible it just will never look good though. I would love to be able to look nice in a swimsuit, but maybe that just won't ever be possible.

189.2 lbs (8:30am)

I have spent the last three weeks basically at 190. I think I got as high as 192.8 on October 23rd and have been between there (up and down and up and down) since I hit my low of 188.8 on 2/20. So I guess that means the last 17 days. I was out of ketosis there for a while as well. I wasn't eating a bunch of carbs, but I was eating too many calories that each contained carbs and they added up to be too much to remain in ketosis. I felt a lot more brain fog than I have been feeling of late as well as crazy strong food cravings that were really hard to resist, so that was interesting. My urine also changed back to the darker normal SAD pee color instead of the distinct ketogenic pee color.

I think I've been back in ketosis for about 3 days now, but have been eating around 2000 calories each day.

For the last two weeks I have averaged 1897 calories, 123.1 grams fat, 116.1-29.5 (fiber) = 86.6 NET carbs, 102.1 grams protein. These amounts basically kept my weight stable. As I am still shooting for around 50 more pounds of weight loss, I obviously need to lower my calories and carbs back to what I was doing previously. I DO think it was a good healthy break though, which probably increased my leptin levels and let me have a little mental break. It probably helped my skin catch up a little as well. I still have skin concerns with my upper thighs, stomach and breasts, but it will do what it does. I can only continue on.

Right now I am really happy to have found a method of eating that I think will work long term. I am just trying today to focus on the short term goal of keeping my carbs and calories low and striving to get under 185. I am OK with slower weight loss. I may even strive to keep it slow to aid with skin recovery.

189.8 lbs!!!! (8:30am)

Just crazy to be under 190. =)

191.0 (9:30am)

I am getting really close to the 180s!!! I have been pretty strict with myself the last 3 days because mentally I am sooo ready to be under 190.

That's a picture of the raw pumpkin seed, flax, wheat bran, protein powder, desiccated coconut, blackberry "faux" oatmeal I've been making for breakfast. YUM!

193.8 (9am)

I can wear my Gap 14R jeans now comfortably. The Levi's 555 size 15s are starting to be a tad too loose. Weight loss has slowed down a lot (I am eating more calories than I was a couple months ago), but my skin is rebounding better than I hoped in a lot of areas. I am still hoping my stomach will get better, but I am super happy so far with my progress.

This morning I made some great faux oatmeal with 10 grams golden flax meal, 10 grams raw pumpkin seeds, 13 grams low carb protein powder, 10 grams wheat bran, 10 grams unsweetened coconut and 29 grams frozen blackberries. Oh yeah, and a pinch of cinnamon and a tiny bit of liquid splenda. It was really good. I will have it again in the future.

194.4 (9am)

I continue to plug along this is the 3rd day that I have been at this weight. Once about a week ago and then also yesterday... so I think I can finally say that I am below 195. :) That feels good. When I hit 192.3 it will be a weight I haven't seen since 2002. That will be weird. So my mini focus is getting down to that. In 2001-2002 I got down to 163 from 195ish. I imagine that it will be very difficult for me to get below 163 (if I even can). I am going to try pretty hard to get pretty low though. Supposedly it might help my skin situation. If I get low enough, my skin on my stomach should get thin and lose it's excess subcutaneous fat. It has gotten better there, but it surely will never look as good as it used to. Hopefully, by getting to quite a low weight I can eliminate any of that squidgy stomach thing that some people never get beyond.

I had about 3/8 of a Gala apple last night (3.70 oz to be exact). It was so delicious. Apples are one of the biggest things I miss since eating low carb. That small amount of apple contained almost 15 grams of carbs, so there just isn't a way to normally eat them without knocking myself out of ketosis. I think they can be a partial apple sometimes food though maybe.

198.2 (8am)

The last 2 days I have eaten a little over 3 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate chips each evening. I think I may be out of ketosis? My weight is up about 1.5 lbs today. I am going to be really strict for the coming month (today is October 1st!) and see if I can't get down to 185. That would be a solid size 14. I am comfortably in my size 16 levi's (555s) today. I have been wearing them every day for over a week now. I am afraid to wash them though! So maybe not "comfortably". They will probably be a little tight for a couple hours if I wash them. My plan for the month of October is to average 720 (which is what I did for a long time in August). Same macros as usual. In fact, I am going to go back at fitday and blogger to see what exactly I was doing, as it was working quite well, and weight-loss has REALLY slowed down for me lately. (My calories have been up, even on days when I was sticking to my target macros).

197.0 9am, 97 mg/dL 10am, 1st day of period

The last few days hunger has been severely UP. Must have been increased progesterone. My breasts were really sore. Today was day #1 of my period. I seem to always get a decrease in weight on day #1. I think it's the decrease in water retention.

It is just surreal to be at 197.0. It kinda even makes me angry, because I have tried to lose weight for YEARS now. It's not as if I was just gladly getting fatter each year. I really did try to diet, but I just could never find anything that I could stick with long term (because everything left me so HUNGRY and I would just regain everything when I ultimately gave in to my hunger). My size 16 Levi's are starting to actually fit and I can comfortably wear them all day. The are still a little tighter on the stomach than I would like, but the thighs and butt area are getting to be just right. OK - maybe they are still a little tight, but they are definately wearable. =) It's just really really weird to have a normalish body again. I had gotten so used to just being really really fat. I mean, I know I am still fat, but I am normal American fat again now. I feel so much better in my own body.

199.0 (9am)

It's been a little over a week since I've posted on here. Last time (8 days ago) I was at 201.0. I am now at 199.0. I have basically lost 0.2 lbs each day since that time. No big weight swings, just gradually losing a little bit each day. I am happy with my loss. It's really quite odd to have achieved my initial goal (199.8 lbs). For so many years, just getting back under 200lbs seemed insurmountable. My new jeans are still tight, but I am wearing them this morning. It has cooled down substantially. I am even drinking my Licorice Spice Hot Tea this morning. I continue to stick to the same fat, carb and protein levels... although some days lately I have increased my caloric intake. My hair continues to shed more than I would like... but I do have reasonable thick hair, so I am not worried yet. I know that this is a normal response to the body's caloric deficit.

My new goal is 185 by Halloween (41 days from now). That is exactly 14 pounds from 199.0, so would represent a 1195 calorie deficit each day. I would have to average right at 800 calories per day to achieve 185 by then. I think it is doable, but I might not quite make it. I am comfortable with my weight loss slowing down quite a bit. It gives my skin more time to recover and isn't quite so hard on my hair.

201.0 (8:30am)

Wow. I am so close to my initial goal of 199.8. It just feels weird. I keep trying to wear the GAP 14R and Levi's 16s, but they are still too tight, so I have to keep wearing the Riders 16 jean shorts I've been wearing for a few weeks. In another 10 pounds they should be real comfortable though.

202.2 (8:30am) 96 FBG (9:30am)

I went to the diet doctor yesterday. I weighed on their scale 204.4 (with my clothes on of course, so heavier than my home scale). Body fat was at 38.5%. They couldn't praise me enough. I have lost quite a bit more weight than their average diet pill customer. What's so funny is how few of them I have taken. I DO think they are a very valuable tool to have though. Anything that helps you from "breaking your diet", can be worth a lot. I have fallen off many, many diets, by losing control and then not being able to get back on track the next day, which ultimately led to going back to my regular way of eating.

I was really happy to see 202.2 this morning (at 8:30 even!). Only 2.4 lbs left to go until I am under 200 lbs. That seems kinda unbelievable. I have worked at this really hard though for the last 82 days, so I guess it should work, when you do everything right. I have just tried for so many years to lose weight, that it still seems odd that it is actually happening.