Did not weigh in today (out of town) Yesterday 185.2 (9am)

I have been out of town at my parents for the last 18 days. I originally planned to only be here for 7 days, but circumstances made me extend my trip from 1 week to 3 weeks. I am flying home this coming Friday. I didn't weigh in today, but yesterday weighed in at 185.2. I brought my portable scale with me, but just didn't weigh today because things have been crazy.

It has been a good trip and I am grateful to be able to spend so much time with my parents, but I miss my husband. I have only been only been home about 10 days in the last 50 days and it is too long to be away. My youngest dog had to be put down Christmas morning. She went in to the emergency vet at 3:00 a.m. with weird symptoms and x-rays showed she was full of cancer. To say that it was a horrible Christmas and a traumatic time emotionally is an understatement. But it reminded me that life is unpredictable and that my parents won't be around forever... so I need to spend whatever time I can with them. It was really nice to be able to be here and help out when they needed me.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve and I have been ruminating today on things I hope to accomplish in the coming year. I usually make resolutions each year, or at least think about my life and things I hope to work on in the coming year, if not resolutions exactly. I would like to lose more weight. I am very happy and grateful that I have managed to remain in the 180's and 190's for almost all of 2014, but I would like to finally get down in to the 170's and STAY THERE. It would be really nice to be a size 14 / large and remain there. I would of course prefer to be smaller than that, but I honestly don't think it is possible(?) for me to easily get into the 160's and remain there. I would much rather get to the 170's and not yo-yo any more. But really each day is a struggle to eat as I know I should. I have gathered tricks and tools over the last year and feel confident that I know what I need to do to remain sub 200 lbs, but would like to improve that if I could.

I also would like to improve on my business in the coming year. I will be 40 in 2015 and it is time to have our financial house in order. This includes buying our permanent home and also getting 2 new (to us) cars that are a bit newer. Specifically I would like to put more concentrated effort into expanding our existing business.

190.6 (10am) home, naked, old scale

Fully carbed up weight. I am really disgusted with myself that I have allowed myself to get back up over 190. I don't know why it's so hard to get and stay at 180. I am on track today though. I promise myself.

I am leaving for my parents tomorrow and will be there for 6 days. They tend to be really supportive of my low carb eating, but it is difficult to keep my calories as low as I would like.

190.4 (10:30am)

Still sick. Still spending every day in bed and eating junk. Not cool. I can't seem to get better.

187.2 (old scale 10am naked)

Still sick. Today is day 4. I am making some homemade chicken and vegetable soup and staying in bed all day. I feel a little better, but not enough to go back to my regular life yet. I ate some carbs yesterday, but used some self control. I want to get back 100% on track. This is my carbed up, not excess food the prior day 10am weight. I think my decarbed weight would be 183.6 or so. I am going to put a lot of salt in the soup I am making to help with getting off the carbs again.

187.4 (naked, old scale, at home) day #3 of being sick 10am

So, I am still sick. I ate high carb AGAIN yesterday. Quite disappointed in myself... I just didn't have the oomph to care what I was eating. I am hoping I can get back under 183 quick enough. I am drinking my coffee with 50 grams of heavy cream right now, with plans of being on track today. My throat is sooo sore. My body has the standard flu aches and pains. I feel like I have a mild fever and mild head congestion. I feel a little better than yesterday, so hopefully am on the mend.

189.8 (9am)

I am sick and was yesterday as well. (Sore throat and body aches). I ate a bunch of crap yesterday.

181.8 (old scale) naked 6:00am

I got home last night around 7pm. I am super happy to see 181.8 on the scale this morning. Today is Thanksgiving. I intend to stay low carb.

182.4 (new scale) naked 8:30am

wow. I just am really, really happy each day to be seeing these numbers. It's funny the difference 15 pounds can make in my mindset and body.

183.2 (9:15am) new scale, naked

Well, I am solidly at 183 now. A goal I have aspired to for months and months. I look a lot better in my clothes at this weight than I do in the 190's. My stomach is a lot flatter. My thighs and arms have also lost quite a bit of weight. I am still hoping to get down to sub 180 and ultimately, at least sub 175. It's a sounds like a small goal, but I think it will be hard to get there and stay there. I would like to think that being in the 185-195 range for about a year will make it easier to lose some more. I would like to think that my body is getting more accustomed to this weight. Mentally I am used to it now. This just seems like the body I should have in my head... so maybe it will be easier to get further down the scale.

183.4 (naked) (new scale) 9:30am

So, I am solidly below 185. It feels great. Last year when I was losing all the weight, I really just focused on each 5 pounds. I am ready to go back to the mindset. When I gained back up over 190, it just became impossible to think of it in that manner, because I felt so desperate to just be back down where I was. I think this is a common problem for people who regain weight. The focus way to hard on the 23 pounds they have regained (or whatever it is) and not enough on the 5 small pounds that they need to look at. The 23 pounds becomes overwhelming and too hard to think about in the first week of the diet and you keep falling off. When instead, if you just focus on each 5 pound increment, it's not so overwhelming. 5 pounds generally takes me a few weeks, so that is all I can focus on at a time. Any more than that, and I just start feeling overwhelmed with how far I have to go.

183.0 (new scale) naked (10:00am)

Wow. I was really happy to see 183.0 on the scale this morning. I haven't seen this weight since I was in Austin last May. I have tried and tried to get back to this weight and just was unable to do so. If I can even hold on to it and get back under 180, it will be a major, major accomplishment.

Last year, during the week before Christmas I saw my (12 year?) low of 176.6 I think. I would be really cool if I could be there at that time again. I really am going to work for it. I am nervous about it, because I will be going home, and it is so much harder to control myself 24/7 there (versus a 4X a day for 30 minutes each, here). It is possible of course. I HAVE been in ketosis since I've been here as well, which should make it a lot easier, as long as I keep eating ketogenically. I intend to. There is nothing coming up that is worth feeling gross in my skin.

184.4 (new scale) naked 9:15am

Solid sub 185. I will take it! :)

I have 5 days left here. Hopefully I can lose another 2 pounds. Maybe 1.4 even would make me really happy. I will just continue doing what I have been doing. Tacos for lunch (I will make it into a taco salad) and roast beef for dinner. A good day for meals (although I was only able to have 1 oz of peanut butter for breakfast as everything was really carb heavy).

184.2 naked (new scale) 9:45am

It was really nice to finally be back below 185 this morning. I haven't seen this weight for a few months. I still am about 7-8 lbs higher than my low at last Christmas.

185.4 (new scale) naked 8:30am

I am still out of town. SOOOO close to being under 185 again! :) This trip out of town has been a little tiring mentally, but the weight loss almost makes it worth it. I turns out I am able to control myself for 20 minutes at a time four times a day, easily. It's just the all day, every day in your face food that is hard to resist.

187.8 (wearing yoga pants, long sleeve shirt, sports bra, panties and socks) (facility scale) 9:15am

Really happy with what my weight is doing. I have been quite strict with myself and am really happy that it is paying off.

187.0 (new scale) naked 8:15am

I can really see the changed in my body from just losing back to where I am now. It really is giving me motivation to lose back to where I was at my lowest (for the last 18 months) of 176 or thereabouts.

189.0 (wearing clothes) facility scale 6:30am

:)

188.8 (new scale) naked, 9:30 am

Still going well... I ended up right at 1000 calories yesterday I think. I had to really estimate on some breaded chicken strips for dinner, but I did the best I could.

190.8 (8:30am) (facility scale) with yoga pants, panties, bra, socks and long sleeve shirt on

I am super excited to be back under 190. (Without clothes, which is my normal weight reference). I don't know the weight of what I am wearing, but my educated guess is about 1.5 - 1.7 pounds.

It's been going very well food wise. I am able to peruse the following day's menu and then decide beforehand what I should eat out of that, enter it in fitday and try to come up with what I should be eating to get the best results. It has been working really well. Sometimes the quality of food is such that I have to change my game plan on the fly, but it has generally been working quite well. (Some disgusting pork for dinner the night before last and a gross apple last night...).

I am starting to feel different in my body again. It is amazing the difference 10 pounds can make in how you feel in your body. I should try to remember that. Ten pounds often doesn't seem like it matters to me (and is probably why I was able to go so far up the scale as I did), but you can really feel the difference.

Today is done other than the scheduled meals, so I am just going to take it easy... although I do think I will do a 45 minute easy walk.

191.4 (8am) wearing clothes (new scale and facility scale)

I keep hoping to see sub 190 on the scale, but have to remind myself this is my clothed weight this week, which means I have lost about 0.6 lbs plus the weight of the clothes I am wearing right now (which is probably around 1.6 - 1.8 lbs. So that is really good. My new scale and the facility scale match on weight, so that is really nice as well. It makes me think they are both consistently accurate.

I don't remember what meals I will be facing today. I hope they are easily navigated.

191.8 (new scale) (with clothes) (9:15am)

I expected to be lighter than this today. I *feel* lighter, so I think the scale just hasn't caught up with my weight loss yet. It's going well here, I am still sticking to around 1000 calories per day. I might try to go a tiny bit lower today, although I am not sure if it is possible without drawing awkward attention to my eating.

191.4 (new scale and facility scale) (8:10am) (in clothes)

It's going well here. I can see what all the meals will be for the day and preplan what I will eat... I can generally pick and choose enough of the meal to be spot on where I want to be nutritionally. I have to eyeball sizes, which is the worst part. I brought a tiny food scale with me, but it would be weird if I used it, so I will be unable to.

Yesterday I had a deconstructed ham and egg wrap with salsa and sour cream. Maybe milk for breakfast? For lunch a deconstructed meat and cheese sandwich. For dinner a green salad and milk. For snack peanuts and diet soda. I probably ended up around 1200 calories, which is a little higher than I would like, but was really close nutritionally to what I want to stick to. So I am super happy with it.

Today I will be navigating through a breakfast cereal breakfast. Lunch tacos, dinner roast beef and potato meal and snack of oatmeal cookies and milk I think. So I should be able to get spot on with some planning ahead in Fitday.

I walked about half an hour as well yesterday. I will try to do the same today I think. Maybe even a touch longer.

191.4 (new scale) wearing about 2 lbs of clothes (7am)

I think I am probably back under 190. :) Super exciting. I was tired of being in the 190's. I have 3 more weeks here in Indiana and then I will go home. I think I should be able to pretty strictly be at -1000 calories per day, so I am hoping for 6 pounds of weight loss during this time. That would be best case scenario of course, but even 4 or 5 lbs would be great. I am so ready to be back below 185 and able to focus on getting into the 170's.

It's going well here... just trying to get through the days until I can go home. I miss DH and the dogs horribly.

191.2 (new scale) 4:30am

I didn't get a weigh in for some reason today. Maybe they don't do them here? Not sure. I just had lunch. It was a meatball sub with baked chips, cauliflower with ranch, carrot sticks and celery and orange sherbet. I had the meatballs, the diet coke and the raw vegetables. Hopefully I can lose weight while I am up here. It looks pretty definite that I will be here for the next 23 days. I will find out for sure tonight or in the morning.

192.0 (new) 6:30am

This has been a lazy low carb day out of town. I go to work tomorrow. Kinda nervous as usual, as I haven't been here before. My back hurts from driving so far. Going to go to bed early.

191.4 (9:30am) old scale

I had cream with caffeine free hot tea for breakfast yesterday. We went to Golden Corral for lunch and I had a green salad, a bunch of veggies, pork steak, a bunch of battered mini shrimp and 2 bites of carrot cake. For dinner I had a McDonalds side salad with ranch with a cut up double cheeseburger on it. (no bun).

190.4 (old) 191.0 (new) (7:50am)

I will continue to weigh in on both scales for two more days, then I will take my new scale with me on my business trip. They are close enough to be the same to me. Some days the new one comes in a little higher and some days a little lower. It's all fine. I am just tr.ying to get a good idea of the trends. The both seem pretty consistent (get on more than once and it gives the same reading).

Yesterday I ate coffee with heavy cream, beef roast with carrots and onions (and about 1/3 of a white potato). I think I ate around 12 ounces of cooked roast and about 10 ounces (raw weight) carrots. I was somewhat surprised that my weight was as low as it is today (ALTHOUGH, I was really hungry and struggled with wanting to eat more all night). Oh, I also did eat one snack size Butterfinger. And I drank an entire 2 liter of diet mountain dew. I am going to try to quit that. I won't have any from now until Thanksgiving. Maybe I can continue on after that as well.

I am getting anxious about leaving. I will be gone from November 2nd through November 26th. I am worried about my dogs. My MIL and DH will be watching them, but that is not the same as my being here. Other than that, I am just eager to have this trip over. I will be driving up to Indiana. I will leave Sunday and spend Sunday night in Saint Louis and then drive the rest of the way Monday. It's just too far for me to comfortably do in one day.

192.2 (old) 192.2 (new) 7am

193.6 (old scale) 194.0 (new scale) 8am

192.4 (old scale) 192.0 (new scale) (7:15am)

192.4 (9:30am)

Ate around 1500 low carb calories yesterday. I didn't measure my food on my digital scale.

192.6 (8am)

We went to Outback last night and I had the 6 oz sirloin, side salad with blue cheese and croutons and broccoli side. I had water to drink. I got blue cheese on the side so I could gauge how much I used. I felt like the brocolli had a lot of butter on it or oil of some kind. I am down a pound from yesterday, but woke up with a headache. They said they don't use MSG there, but I don't really believe that. I woke up with a headache this morning which is really unusual anymore. Anyway, I ended up consuming about 400-500 more calories than I wanted to yesterday, but kept it low carb and did my best. Sometimes social obligations are just hard to navigate. I had never been to outback either, so was kinda confused about how to choose the best option. It's raining this morning. I don't have any big plans for today. Today is my husband's Friday. He's been working a lot of overtime recently, so I am looking forward to his weekend and hope we can relax together some. (And that it doesn't make it difficult for me to stay on track!) It's now 9am and I just at a large (15.75oz) can of drained canned salmon mixed with about 1 oz of diced onion, the juice of 1 1/2 limes, salt and pepper. I am stuffed. It's pouring outside. I am boiling a chicken leg quarter, carrots, onion and celery right now for my husbands chicken and dumplings dinner. It feels like a yucky day and I thought cooking bone broth all day might be nice. I might steal a cup of the broth for myself before I put the dumplings in there. I make some amazing broth if I say so myself.

193.6 (9:15am)

So I ate 100% low carb (+ about 10 thin restaurant tortilla chips last night) yesterday, but ended up at around 2000 calories (I didn't perfectly weigh everything, but did keep track). I am pleasantly surprised to see I am at 193.6 lbs this morning, as that is my low carb, normal prior day of eating weight. I have 13 more days before my goal date, so could potentially lose 4.6 lbs in that time... which would put me at 189.0. That would be very good.

I spend a lot of time on this blog writing only a quick snip of my weight and how I feel about that. This journey has been long and I am sure, my attempts to be a lower weight will continue for the rest of my life. What seems to be working for me may not be the answer for others. But it does appear that when I stick to a no grain, no sugar, low starch diet, I can now manage (with effort) to keep my weight sub 200 lbs. For people who haven't struggled with their weight, that doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment. As someone who topped out at 261 (naked morning weight) and thought I was destined for a muumuu, it's a miracle to be pretty much a normal american chubby 39 year old (versus a visually obese woman). I fit in now. I don't feel tremendous shame at family (mine or DH's) get togethers. I don't feel like people are talking about me specifically when then mention a fat person or something about weight. Taking off these 67.6 lbs (as of today) has really changed my life for the better. It is worth every sacrifice of eating "normally". It is worth all the weighing of food and falling off track and getting back on track and struggling with myself every day. I hope to get further down the scale (at least 20 more pounds, but I would LOVE to take off 50 more lbs)... but today, I am just taking a moment to be grateful for how far I have come and to appreciate how much it has changed my life to lose 25.8% of my body weight. Losing another 25.8% from where I am today (193.6) would put me right at 143.6. So, I still do have a big battle in front of me, to not only lose more, but maintain what I have lost. I am not sure it is even possible for me. BUT, if you would have asked 261.2 lb past me if it were possible to get back below 200 lbs, I wouldn't have thought it was possible either. Now it is my new normal. I have been sub 200 for about the last year. It feels GREAT and NORMAL now. I think I am mentally ready to lose more.

195.2 (8:45am)

It's now noon and I have had coffee with cream and am now having a kippered snack. I feel like today is going to be hard.

196.0 (6am)

I was hoping for a lower weight this morning. I ended up at 994 calories yesterday... higher than I wanted. Too much swiss cheese in the evening. I had a kinda weird stressful day. I am hoping that good relaxing things happen today and that I am able to stay on track and meet the macros I have set for myself.

197.4 (10am)

197.4 this morning after eating off-plan for the last 4 days?... I don't know, it's been so long since I have been consistently ON PLAN that I kinda have trouble remembering. I DO know none of the jeans that I was wearing last winter (so comfortably that I could sleep in them - and often did), fit anymore. They all can get on and buttoned, but it is torture to wear them. That sucks. I have been wearing a lot of yoga pants. That is a path of danger, and I know it. I have been having trouble caring unfortunately. I WANT to care, I just don't. I have something coming up in 15 days though, so I will be reining it in and being 100% on track through that time. My clothes will need to fit. I will be going out of town again for about 3 1/2 weeks. If I could manage to keep myself together for that whole duration (until the day before Thanksgiving), I could conceivably get down to 180. (About 4 pounds of this weight is food and water weight). I don't FEEL like doing that. But I guess I am going to. I am having my coffee with sucralose and 50 grams of heavy cream right now. It has been some time since I was consistently making coffee each morning. (How I correctly start out my day). All I know is that I am going to make today and good day and get back under 195 lbs asap. DH got a promotion at work last Friday, so the last few days have been celebratory. But that isn't a reason to disregard my health.

(10:15am) 191.0

193.4 (4am)

I had coffee with 50 grams heavy cream, 1.6 oz mixed dry roast nuts and two bowls of my homemade chicken vegetable soup yesterday (soup was made with 1 chicken leg quarter cooked for about 4 hours and deboned, deskinned and shredded... and then baby carrots, 2/3 a green bell pepper chopped, 1/4 onion, 20 oz julienned yellow squash (to mimic noodles), 3 small roma tomatoes chopped, 1/4 cup mild pace picante salsa and about 3-4 oz tiny hamburger meatballs). (I needed to use up the ground beef and felt the soup could use a tiny more meat). The soup ended up really flavorful. I think I ate about 40% of the batch it made up. I was happy to see my weight back down to 193.4 lbs (especially at 4am when it should have been higher because of the early weigh-in and the copious salt I put in the soup). I will probably have roughly the same meal plan today.

194.6 (6am) after eating chili & fritos + ~2200 low carb calories the day before

I am just so frustrated with myself. I know what to do, and just can't seem to do it.

194.0 (8am) after chinese food, popcorn and raisin bran the prior evening

So I was pretty happy to see this was my new carb bloated weight. Day before yesterday was this weight clothed, weight reduced, carb reduced... so that seems about right. I am back on track today. I am pretty excited to get these ten pounds off.

192.8 (5:45am)

Traveled all day yesterday, so hopefully have swelling water weight. I wasn't expecting my weight to be this high this morning.

189.6 (9:30am)

190.6 (6:00am)

Almost back under 190.0. Will be glad when that happens. I have been at 700-1000 calories for the last five days. I am going out of town for three days early tomorrow morning. Two days of that will be driving all day. I hope to keep myself on track. I WILL keep myself on track. For the last ten months I have been up and down, up and down, up and down. It really is time to lose a little more weight and stabilize again. Minimum, I would like to stabilize sub 175. I WOULD really like to get under 163 (which I haven't been under for probably 18 years). I did get down to 163 briefly in 2002. By fall of 2003 I was back up to 190's though. (I think??). Anyway.... I haven't been in the upper 150 for SURE since I was 21 years old. So a real strong goal is to get to 159.8. That is 30.8 lbs from now. I know I can do that, I don't know if I can calorie restrict enough after I get there though to stay there. I would like to think that it's possible. I just don't know though. I often dream of getting clear back down to 136, but I honestly don't know if my skin would just look horrible that far down anyway, and it would be major calorie restriction every day and consistently being hungry to hold on to that weight. I am trying to find a happy balance of a weight I look good at, feel healthy at, and can maintain fairly easily with a proper lower carb diet. It looks as if (from my experience from the last year), that anytime I eat high carb, it gives me crazy hunger and I consistently gain (at the rate of 1/2 lb per day). If I eat low carb without calorie restricting at all, I maintain. If I low carb AND calorie restrict, I can lose weight. I would like to think that I could get down to a lower weight than this and not have to calorie restrict too much, but that remains to be seen.

198.4 (7:15am) ate a bunch of junk last night.

This is the first day of my period. So that means I shouldn't be fighting the progesterone food monster today. Maybe it wasn't realistic to think that I could fight it and win yesterday. I go through this each month, I don't know why it continues to surprise me a year and a half later. 198.4 this morning (7:15am). This is my fully carbed up, food bloated weight. I think I should be able to be down to about 191 one week from today. I have exactly 13 weeks till the new year. I would really like to utilize this time period to take off some weight. Specifically, I would like to go hard core (I've said this before over the course of the last 11 months, I am sure), and stick to 800 calories per day, 45-55 g protein, low carb. It is technically possible for me to get down to 163 by the end of the year. I sure would like to. That is such a normal average weight. No fighting my BMI all the time (BMI 25.88... SO close to sub 25 which would have at 157 lbs). I think I need to go to the grocery store today to pick up some diet soda, to help me over this initial week which is always ROUGH.

197.2 (10:30 am) carbed up junk weight

199.2 (10:00am)

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I truelly don't.

199.0 (11:45am)

Ate dutch apple pie ala' mode, red baron pizza, taco bueno, regular can of soda, etc yesterday. I don't know why I keep doing this. I fall off track and then really don't care, even though I KNOW how quickly I gain weight eating junk. Self-sabotage? Not sure what's going on. I understand it is a physical drive (once I have strayed), but still am confused about how I don't make better choices. Today will be tough. I am brewing coffee right now. I think I am going to do a really low calorie stint for a while. It seems to be equivalent to fasting, but protein sparing if I watch my macros and drink enough heavy cream in my coffee to guarantee gall bladder flushing. 108 days left in 2014. 15 weeks and 4 days. I will be away from home for about half of those days, so think that I can average 2 pounds when I am home and 1 pound when I am out of town. I have 6 pounds of water weight carb/food bloat on me now. 199-6=193 base weight 15.4*1.5=23.1 minimum possible loss 2.5 pounds per week is maximum amount I could lose per week with minimum 1/3 days away from home. = (10.2 weeks x 2.5)+(5.1 weeks x 1)= 30.6 maximum amount of possible loss 193-23.1 = 169.9 maximum weight 193-30.6 = 162.4 minimum weight Almost 1 year ago today (on September 19th, 2013) I made it to 199.0 (where I am today). It's been a long year since that time. A lot of ups and a lot of downs. Anytime I stuck with low carb eating calories I stayed the same weight. Any time I ate low carb restricted calories, I lost weight and any time I ate whatever the heck I wanted I gained weight. It was really easy to see again and again. I am 23 pounds over the lowest weight I saw, which is not good, but I am not broken up about it. (Perhaps that is why I keep regaining whatever I manage to lose??) I am ready to get down in to either the 160's or the low 170's and stay there for a while. I will regroup at that point and consider how hard I want to work to go/maintain even lower. I NEED to get into at least the 170's and stay there though. It's funny, because if you would have asked me a year and a half ago if I even really thought it was possible to get and stay under 200 again, I'm not sure if I really believed it was possible. Maybe I still feel that way about being sub 175. I don't know why the 25ish pounds between here and there are even a consideration though. I am 62 pounds down from where I started (highest weight). That is not that much more. I really, really DO want to make this happen for myself... and I AM glad that I have given my skin the best opportunity it could possibly have to bounce back by losing this weight so slowly and giving it a break. I am READY though to take the next step.

196.4 (9am)

Day 2 of period. I've been eating low carb for the last 30 hours after eating 1 1/2 days high carb. My weight is way higher than I expected it to be today. It is very upsetting. All I can do is what I am supposed to do today though, I guess. This gets old sometimes.

189.0 (9:15am) 36.7% BF, 29.8 BMI

190.0 (8:45am)

I ended up at 1118 calories (low carb of course) yesterday, which is the highest I've been in a while. This weight is really just clinging to me with everything it's got. I am pleasantly surprised how much my upper arms have shrunk back down though. I was excited to be sub 190 yesterday, but as I didn't weigh until noon, didn't feel like I really owned it yet. This is my PMS week, so hopefully weight will go down as well as appetite next week. I still feel like I have some ankle and knee joint swelling.

188.8 lbs (noon) 35.5%BF 29.8 BMI per Omron

These last few pounds have been so hard to shake. I have been almost perfect with my eating (both calorically and nutritionally), but I guess I have lost all the water weight and this is real fat I am losing right now. We went swimming yesterday and my BIL & SIL's house. Perhaps getting so much sun has given me a little water retention? One can only hope.

189.6 (10:30 am) 35.5% BF 29.9 BMI (per Omron)

I think this is going to be tougher than I hoped to get back under 183.0. 35.5% bodyfat, 29.9 BMI per Omron HBF-306C

191.0 (8:30am)

I'm not sure, I think I have about 1.5 - 2.0 lbs of knee/ankle swelling and water retention. (Possibly PMS bloat as well?) I think my real weight right now is around 189.2 lbs. Hopefully I am right.

191.2 (9:30am)

Today was crazy low for whatever reason. I will take it, but think I will be 192.X tomorrow. It's just really nice to be close to the 180's again though. I've still been weighing and logging my food in fitday religiously. I am going to my mom and dad's on Tuesday morning, so I have some anxiety about controlling my food while I am there, but will somehow manage. It's too important to get my weight down to blow it.

193.8 (9:30am)

Well, the last 4 days have been slow going on the weight loss on the scale, but I am seeing changes in my body. Each evening has been torture. Just REALLY REALLY hard. I hope today is easier. It's always fairly easy in the morning and then by late afternoon it has gotten hard to stay on play and then by evening I want to eat anything and everything I see.

194.6 (10am)

I'm getting there. I think today is day 4 or 5 back on track and logging everything. I went to the gym yesterday and today. I am eager to get back under 30 BMI. I am at 30.91 BMI today (naked) (169cm). At 168cm I need to be below 186.5 lbs. At 169cm I need to be below 188.7 lbs. I am much closer to being back under 30BMI than I thought I was. I will continue to work hard at it though.

197.0 (9am)

Optimal nutrition recommendations: The recommended daily ratio between P, F and C in the ON (calculated per 1kg of IDEAL body weight) is 1: 3.5: 0.8 (10%, 82% and 8%), and for an overweight person 1: 2.5: 0.8 (12.5%, 77% and 10%), until the body weight is stabilized in the normal range. Ideal body weight calculated as height in cm - 100. For me this is ideal body weight of 69kg (152.1 lbs). (BMI calculator says that would make my BMI 24.2, which is at the upper end of "normal weight"). 62 kg (136.6 lbs) would put me smack dab in the middle of "normal weight". Frankly, I would like to get under (and STAY under) 175 lbs. From there I don't really care too much. I would just like to find a weight that I don't have to struggle too hard to maintain. Mentally it is too hard to keep going up and down the scale. 142 lbs was the weight I was so happy at when I was age 19. (64.4). HAMWI METHOD: IDEAL BODY WEIGHT calculates me at idea (large frame) at 147 lbs. Using all of that, I would say I could use 65 kg as my ideal body weight (143.3 lbs). The recommended daily ratio between P, F and C in the ON (calculated per 1kg of IDEAL body weight) is 1: 3.5: 0.8 (10%, 82% and 8%), and for an overweight person 1: 2.5: 0.8 (12.5%, 77% and 10%), until the body weight is stabilized in the normal range. So for me, weightloss would be recommended at 65 grams protein 162.5 grams fat 52 grams carbs Total calories recommended : 1930 That doesn't seem like that is low enough. What is funny to me though, is that the 65 grams protein + 52 grams carbs seems to be spot on to what has been working for me. From what I understand, the fat calories that aren't eaten, come from body adipose tissue, but the influx/outflux affect satiety/hunger signals. But because the difference is always going to be made up by the body, regardless of whether I eat the fat or just use my bodies stored fat, I should be hitting this ketogenic ratio.

196.6 (8am)

Yesterday was the first day that I had a 100% logged on track day in I can't remember how long. Today will be tough I am sure. I am just so happy to see sub200 on the scale again. I was starting to get really freaked out. I must have seen over 200 on the scale for like 2 weeks straight and would start each day with the best intentions and then blow it by the time evening had come. It's going to be rough turning back into a fat burning machine instead of a carb burning machine. When insulin in chronically high, it's almost as if you are addicted. I FINALLY realize though, that high insulin levels all day just mean you are ALWAYS running around in a energy deprived state. The ONLY time you are not energy deprived is during the 20-30 minutes immediately following eating a bunch of carbs. Unfortunately, the body has to quickly get that blood sugar out of the system (to prevent high blood sugar) and only 20-30 minutes later, you don't have enough energy to run on. It is quite the vicious cycle.

200.2 (11am) Carb bloated weight.

Ate a ton of ice cream yesterday and then chinese food last night. Yesterday was the first day of my period. I have had a rough last 10 days. I couldn't get myself under control for anything. My guess is that progesterone has been really high. After the tubal ligation surgery I also didn't feel like worrying about it too much either. I am going to get it under control now though. This weight is way to high. I REALLY need to lose like at least 12 real pounds, 2 food weight pounds and 4 water weight pounds. That's going to take some work. I still feel like hanging around in bed today though. I still don't feel great (I haven't been taking anything for the pain).

199.0 (10am)

So, 199.0 is obviously higher than I would like, but it is better than I hoped for this morning, so I guess it is ok. I am at least back under 200.0. I get my surgery tomorrow morning and then have about 6 weeks before I would absolutely like (for job and health reasons) to be back under 183. That should be very doable, considering I am at a carb bloated weight this morning and likely have at least 5 pounds of water weight/ excess food weight on me.

200.6 (9:15am)

200.6 (noon)

I have been over 200 for the last 4 or 5 mornings. I am unable to get my crap together. I must. I am somewhat scared, but feel like today might be the day. I have my tubal ligation surgery scheduled for next Friday.

190.0 7:15 a.m.

Down 2.6 lbs while I was away. I consider that an grand success. I made the best meal choices I could. Food was provided to me and I just did the best I could with what I had. It was tough and I felt like I was hungry quite a bit of the time. I got home yesterday around 3pm and bought veggies and meat for the coming week. I am quite proud of myself for that part as well. Having the appropriate foods on hand is about 80% of the problem for me. Then just have to make sure I eat those choices instead of other poor choices.

192.6 (11:15am).

So, I am getting all packed today and leaving bright and early tomorrow morning. I have anxiety about it, because I always have anxiety about new things. I'll be glad when I am there and know what to expect. Diet yesterday was excellent, but I didn't weigh anything on the scale. But both meals were with 4 oz lean beef cooked 8-12ish oz of low carb veggies. I had coffee with heavy cream for breakfast.

196.6 (10am) after eating taco bueno last night

Super frustrated that I am AGAIN having so much trouble. I really need to get incredibly strict for a while, but to have faith in myself that I can be strict if I want to.

192.2 (9:15am)

Quite a few calories yesterday (1557), but the weight is going down. I am committing to WEIGHING and RECORDING all my food in fitday EVERY day that I am not away on business through August 31st. Realistically (assuming I normally use 2000 calories, which I think is quite conservative), I can lose 16.2 lbs of fat (plus a little bit more water weight that I am still probably carrying right now). So, I think I could potentially (best case scenario) get down to 176.0 by September 1st.

I had coffee with 54 grams heavy cream and sucralose powder for breakfast. For lunch I made 4oz (raw weight) 73/27 ground beef with 1.5 oz raw very thinly sliced onion, 7 oz (raw weight) green cabbage and 8.5 oz zucchini squash cut into noodles with my julienne slicer (about $2 on ebay out of china), salt, pepper and garlic powder. Lunch was delicious. For dinner I think I am having a 6 oz (raw frozen weight) of tiliapia cooked with about 8 oz zucchini cut into long wedges. I wrap it both things up in a tinfoil pounch with salt, pepper and garlic powder (dill or parsley can be good too) and cook it in my convection oven 30-40 minutes (I like it super well done). I then make a sauce out of 50 grams sour cream, garlic or onion powder, white vinegar, sucralose powder and any other spices/seasoning I feel like throwing in at the time. This is a delicious dinner and one that I ate quite a lot last summer when I was losing a lot of my weight. I am trying to eat more vegetable and keep my calories in check for each day, but again, low carb is more important than calorie restriction.

I got a call today to finalize my business trip next week. I will be heading out early Monday morning and will be gone almost 2 weeks. I would like to just hold steady weight wise during that time and be conscious of what I am eating during that time and make the best choices that I can. It is hard when you don't control your own food, but I will just do the best I can.

I also wanted to touch briefly today and smarties candies. Dr. Richard Bernstein recommends 5-6 smarties (dependent on body weight), when you feel anxious/hyperinsulinemic. It is supposed to be enough to raise your blood sugar about 10 points, but not be enough to force your body to release more insulin. I have been trying that in the evenings when I get that frantic hungry for starch (goodies) feeling. It really does seem to work. The smarties candies are dextrose (versus the standard sucrose/fructose that is in most candies/baked goods etc). The dextrose is supposed to be available to the body IMMEDIATELY without going through any chemical processing by the body. So far it DOES seem to work. Six smarties for me is about 40% of one of those rolls. Only 10 calories and about 2.5 grams of carbohydrate (straight dextrose sugar). Pixie sticks also contain straight dextrose, but I don't know what the dosing would be for the pixie sticks.

Later that day (8:36pm)

Wow. I am really struggling right now. I ended the day at 777 calories. I am quite pleased with that. I will shoot for 800-1000 calories for the next 5 days and then on Monday shoot for 1400 calories / 100 Net carbs.

197.0 (9:30am)

Yeah. Just very frustrating. I am on track now... will have coffee with cream and avocado salad later and then hamburger with cabbage stir-fry for dinner. I am just pretty disappointed in myself.

204.0 (8:45PM) Fully dressed jogging pants, panties, bra, shoes, socks, tank top after eating a ton of junk all day204.

204.0 (clothed, stuffed with high carb foods). NOT OK

193.2 (9am)

I did so well through the early part of yesterday and then just blew it last night.

I started out with coffee with heavy cream and sucralose powder (as usual). Lunch was half a head of cauliflower microwaved till tender and mixed with 30 grams shredded cheese, salt, pepper and garlic powder. (This is delicious BTW). I went to the gym in the evening and did 30 minutes hard on the eliptical machine. I am trying to up my heart fitness. I don't believe exercise to be at all beneficial for weight loss (in fact I think it makes it much harder to lose weight), but I am attempting to get in to better cadiovascular health. My husband cooked steaks on the charcoal grill for dinner. I had about a 12 ounce steak and then had over 36 ounces of watermelon. Then everything went to heck in a handbasket. I had 2 pieces of cheesecake, 5 lemon shortbread cookies, and 3 bologna and american cheese white bread sandwiches. I blame it all on the exercise and the watermelon. Too much fructose and too much exertion just got me to the point of being an eating machine.

At this point I am just super frustrated that I haven't been able to get and STAY under 30 BMI despite working on it for the last 3+ months. I am right where I started in March. What the heck???? I just really need to get and STAY under 30 BMI and I keep sabotaging myself with carby junk. That's so not necessary. I don't know what my problem is. But I need to quit it.

Today I will just focus on today. I want to stay under 800 calories, under 60 protein and under 40 net carbs. So far I have had 51 grams of heavy cream in my morning coffee. I am starving right now (because of last night junkfest no doubt), and will make the rest of the head of cauliflower with 30 grams of cheese. Then tonight I will have a 5 ounce pork loin with some sauerkraut. I will see if I can get some more veggies in there as well, but will have to input all this in fitday first and see how I can make it work.

Ok... it will be about the following:

Breakfast: coffee with 51 grams heavy cream and sucralose powder to taste

Lunch: 19.08 oz (raw weight) cauliflower with 30 grams shredded cheddar/colby cheese

Dinner: 5 oz pork loin (trimmed to lean meat only) with 4 ounces sauerkraut and 12 oz (raw weight) broccoli.

Day totals: 762 calories, 37.3 grams fat, 59.1-25.2 = 33.9 grams NET carbs, 59.0 grams Protein

I have 9 more days to control my foods and then 13 days where I won't and then at least 17 days before August 6th.

189.4 (11am)

It feels amazing to be back under 190. I am super excited to not have as far to go to get back under 30 BMI as I thought I had. I am not kidding myself, these last 6-7 pounds were the crazy easy pounds. The next 6-7 pounds will probably take me about 3 solid weeks of consistently being hungry and eating on plan. I have exactly 2 weeks from today until I won't be able to control my food for 12 days. I am going to try to make the best of it.

I also went to the gym today and did the Precor eliptical at my maximum normal for 25 minutes. I came home and kinda felt sick from getting overheated. I am glad I went though. I am still trying to get my heart health up and get a lower pulse. Increasing my physical endurance is my health goal for the summer.

So far today I have eaten a peanut butter Pure Protein bar (walmart 200 calories) and a 5.43 oz Californian avocado. I will probably eat a 1/4 lb lean beef patty chopped up and cooked with 16 oz zucchini "noodles". That would put me at 805 calories for the day. I will really try not to eat more than that, but am not sure if I will be able to do it. I was especially hungry the last two days and not able to stick with my caloric goals (although I did stick with my low carb goals minus the m&m's).

190.8 (10am)

Was pleasantly surprised to see this weight. I ate 2000 low carb calories yesterday and then had 660 calories worth of plain M&M's. I felt really bad about that, but unable to control myself. Oh well. Today is a new day. I know I don't fail when I goof like that, but when I fail to keep trying. I will have my regular breakfast today of coffee with 50 grams heavy cream and continue on as if nothing happened. What else can you do?

191.2 (9:00am)

I am please to be back down to 191.2. It makes it seem not so daunting to get back under 185. I am still being quite strict with weighing food and putting it in fitday. I plan to maintain strictness until I leave for my business trip on July 7th. It will be hard, but I can do it. Supposedly I am getting almost a 1500 calorie deficit per day right now. Hopefully I can see a 2.5 pound loss per week for the next 2.25 weeks and see almost another 6 pounds lost before I leave. That would put me right at 185-186. I plan to maintain (not lose or gain) while I am away (I will be gone 13 days) and then resume strictly when I get back. I have a couple of 2 day business trips on July 25-26 and then on August 5-6. Then in August I will be having my tubes tied. I don't have a firm date for that yet... but everything should fairly be back to normal after that. I am hoping by late August to be able to get down solidly under 180. It would be fantastic if I could even see a new weight loss low (under 176.6 achieve 12/22/13). It's kinda sad to realize I am 15 pounds up from what I was at that time, but honestly, with all the changes my life has been through in the last 7 months, I am ok with it. I am actually quite proud to have basically stayed in this 180-195 range all this time. It is so easy for me to put weight back on after losing it. I really feel like this was a huge thing to stay sub-200 lbs.

192.8 (de-carbed, low food weight @ 10:30am)

So, I am very excited to have only 15ish lbs to go until my immediate goal. I will focus on getting back below 190 right now. I am also celebrating getting back under 195. I feel so much better when I have a good gap between me and 200 pounds. I have almost exactly 10 pounds to go to get back under 30 BMI... (clothed weight of 185), so that shouldn't be overly hard. It IS a good solid month of eating low carb/ low cal though.

197.6 (10:45am). Full carbed up weight

Today marked the one year anniversary of my serious attempt at losing some weight. I am down right at 40 pounds since that time. For the first 6 months I weighed every day and logged every bite that I ate in Fitday. I got down as low as 176ish in early december (I think?) and have been up and down between 180 to upper 190's since that time. I have logged some of what I ate, but not consistently, since January of this year. I have weight most days, but again, not every day, since January. I feel pretty comfortable at this weight, as if I have stabilized at this weight. I am too high in the upper 190's and would like to be solidly below 180. I am going to log everything, weigh every day, and keep my calories low for a month or two and try to get solidly, permanently sub-180 (I would like to permanently end up at least sub 175). I think it's gotten pretty hard to lose more weight and keep it off. I get up close to 200 pounds and get scared and get my act back together. But honestly, I would really really like to be at least a solid size 12, loose 14. I am happy that I lost weight as slowly as I have and have been at this weight and down to 180 for the last 6 months. It really allowed my head to get ok with being this size and accepting that this is the new me. It also hopefully has given me better skin recovery than I could have expected had I lost 100 pounds in 8 months or whatever it is that people do when they lose weight crazy fast. Having said all that, I am ready to lose some more fairly quickly and then see if I can stabilize at a new lower weight. It's hard to do so. I am not kidding myself about the fact that IF I eat higher carb crap, I consistently gain weight. I am hoping that with time, I can usually eat low carb and occasionally eat some treats and not gain weight too much. I am trying to find some balance, that includes occasional indulgences and hopefully long term would not require weighing and logging everything I eat. I am OK if that is what is required... I can do that. I just hope I don't have to.

Today was kinda rough, as it usually is when I have to rein myself back in. I struggled with some self-sabotage thoughts tonight. My insulin is still high and I am going to struggle with hunger as I go back into ketosis and still have higher insulin levels. That is just to be expected. I have kinda gotten used to that. It doesn't make the struggle any easier, but it does help to recognize that it is just part of the process and I have to white knuckle it through it.

One week ago today, I was at 188.6, so I am hopeful that I can get back down to that fairly quickly and then work on the next ten pounds. Right now though, I am just trying to get through each day low carb and low calorie. It's tough. So is being fat. You gotta pick your tough.

188.6 (10:45am) Low carb low food weight. Post exercise day.

I am super excited to be back in the upper 180's. I only have about 10 pounds to get solidly back sub 30 BMI. (5 pounds to be under it, but 10 pounds to be comfortably under it).

192.0 (7:15am)

192.8 (10:30 am) Carbed up, too much food the prior day weight

185.2 (9am with socks, scrub bottoms, tshirt, sports bra and panties)

I am FINALLY back under 30 BMI. I really want to drop back under 180 though, so I am solidly under 29 BMI. All of which is still classified as overweight (instead of obese). I would have to get under 155 to be in a "normal" weight range for my height. I definitely COULD lose another 30 pounds, but I don't know if I would spend the rest of my life struggling to stay there. Perhaps not. Maybe with increased weight loss will come increased insulin sensitivity. I'm not sure. I don't know if when I get out of here I want to try a stint at ketogenic non-tracking calories.

187.6 with pajama pants, bra, tshirt, panties and socks (10am)

So, I have been out of town for the last 13 days and I will be here for another 23 days. I don't have control of the food, other than to not eat certains things that are on my plate. So, I am trying to keep my carbs to a minimum, but it is difficult. I certainly have not been in ketosis at all during this time. I can tell however, that my weight is coming down. I have been quite strict with myself about what I shouldn't be eating and have done as well as possible at each meal. I am hoping to be able to lose another 5 pounds or so in the next 3+ weeks. It will be rough, but doable, I think.

195.2 (noon) Carbed up weight, as well as PMS bloat

I have continued to weigh every day since June 20th, 2013. I quit logging my food some time in January and have only been keto on track about 1/3 - 1/2 of the time since that time as well. I have put on a real 10-15 pounds of fat. I can see it in my stomach, arms, legs, thighs and butt. I am committing right now to LOGGING everything I eat (good or bad) and attempting to stick to 720 calories for a while (this seems to actually make it easier to get back into ketosis). Unfortunately, I am looking at doing a medical trial and so cannot utilize my diet pills right now for hunger control. I will just have to white knuckle it back. I realistically know that if I could get back on track for a good week to 10 days it would get a lot easier.

180.2 (10:30am)

Today will be my 5th day that I have been back on track. I am hopeful that I am past the worst cravings. I have taken 2 diphenhydramine per day for the last 4 days. I have been taking 1 in the morning with my morning coffee at 11am and 1 in the afternoon at 3:30 - 4:00 pm. That seems to be working pretty well. I am still white knuckling it for a little while each evening from around 8-10 pm, but they are helping enough that I think they are well worth the trouble I have going to sleep each night (as well as the expense). I think I might continue taking them for at least another couple days. I want to be 100% firmly in ketosis and not wavering in my commitment. I had to many false starts of "getting back on plan" from the end of December through the first half of January to take this lightly. I was kinda getting scared that I wouldn't be able to do it. I want to remember that when I am tempted to have an off-plan meal (non-ketogenic) in the future. It can provoke a lot of mental and physical suffering getting back into ketosis. I have done so well this past year and it really just is NOT WORTH IT.

Yesterday I tried something new (although just a twist on something I have been doing in the past). I have these little 2 oz plastic salad dressing containers and lids that you can get at the restaurant supply. I melted 20 grams of sugar free chocolate wafers (I get this in the bulk bins at Winco) melted with 5 grams of butter. I stir that up after it's been microwaved to the melting point, then stir in 10 grams of non-sweetened dehydrated coconut. It comes to 192 calories and is very good. It is like a commercial candy bar, but doesn't seem to be too triggering. The nice thing is that they don't require refrigeration, so I will be able to take them with me when we are working out and about in the next month or two. I made up 10 servings last night and put them all in a ziplock in my refrigerator so they are ready to grab and go in the coming weeks. I also think I will do up some little containers of raw almonds that are pre-measured out like that as well. Having stuff ready to go is such a big part of making this food plan work. When you come in from a long exhausting day of manual work out in the cold it is VERY easy to go off plan because you don't want to hassle with figuring something out to eat. I've found that things like this are not a "meal", but they can give you something to eat until you can calm yourself down and wait a little bit to make a proper ketogenic meal. I think a lot of us who have been obese in the past really struggle with extreme hunger in a different way than normal weighted people who have never been obese. I guess that makes a lot of sense because obesity is really a dis-function of one's own fat burning. I hope/pray that with time, my body will increase it's ability to readily switch to fat burning. I DO think this has improved... I am not sure if it is more a result of the regular lower insulin levels, the increased sensitivity to my own insulin for the weight-loss that I've already had, or an increased number of mitochondria.

So, things are looking up. I am really happy to be back down to 180.2 and am focusing on getting under 175.0 pounds. 5.4 pounds to go! That is super exciting.

186.4 lbs (9am) down from 189.8 yesterdays carb bloated weight

Well, I've basically been off plan with good days ever 2nd or 3rd day for the last 25 days. In that time I have gained a real 9-10 pounds. I can put on weight really quickly when I go back to eating whatever the heck I want in the quantities I want. I am committed to being back on track now though. I have the induction headache to prove it. I just feel horrible right now. I am going to drink some homemade broth with added bouillon and low salt to it to see if that helps. Perhaps my sodium, potassium, magnesium or calcium is out of whack.

I can definitely tell that my body has more fat than it did in late December. My stomach is bigger as well as my thighs and arms. I don't really feel upset about the situation though, just dreading the struggle to get firmly back into ketosis. I took 2 diet pills yesterday. One around 1pm and one around 4pm. I then still REALLY struggled from around 9pm to 1am. I know today is going to be hard. Probably much harder than yesterday. I plan to take diet pills to help the transition and to make sure to drink plenty of water... other than that, I know I just have to suffer through it. It gets easier with time and improved ketosis.

Breakfast: 11am Coffee with 76 grams half and half, sucralose powder, 8 drops almond extract

The coffee was good. I have consistently been drinking coffee with half and half or heavy cream for my breakfast for most of this weight loss journey (since June 2013 that is). It seems to work fairly well. I try to hold off until 11 am for my morning coffee, as that pushes my eating later for the entire day. This seems to work better. I tried to utilize the Kruse Leptin protocol for a while last spring (huge protein/fat breakfast immediately upon waking), but after reading itsthewooo.blogspot.com, I've kinda started thinking (for ME) that the Kruse protocol doesn't address what is wrong with me metabolically. She recommends (as something that has worked well for HER after losing over 1/2 her body weight and keeping it off for over a decade) eating when your body tells you to eat. For her that is in the evening, and for me that is in the evening. I have NEVER been hungry in the mornings. Even as a child I remember waking up not hungry. My mom was huge on sending her kids off with a good breakfast though and I either always had toast with full fat chocolate milk (homemade from raw dairy), breakfast cereal (Kix, cheerios, wheaties, etc..), or pancakes. I invariably was STARVING by 10-11am (to the point I can remember my stomach consistently growling really loudly during a early morning math class when everyone was really quiet). Anyway - all that to say, I am still trying to figure out what works best, but it seems as if a 100% fat macro breakfast works best for controlling my caloric intake throughout the remainder of the day. I also just never feel quite "right" eating solid food in the morning.

I have plans to eat a cranberry protein shake later today. Then tilapia and zucchini and then later still tilapia and frozen green beans. I'm sure tonight will be TOUGH.

183.8 lbs (9am)

So, I ended up eating slightly different than I planned, but it was spot on plan in regards to macro-nutrients. My weight is down about 2 1/2 pounds this morning from yesterday, so it will be slower going getting under 180, but I will just focus on each day. I ate yesterday:

75 grams heavy cream with coffee, sucralose powderand almond extract (the sucralose powder purchased on Amazon is absolutely amazing. It has zero fillers like "splenda" in the big yellow bags and is way way cheaper in the long run). I used to buy "Ez-Sweetz" on Amazon which is this same powder added with water in a dropper bottle form, which is also really good, but this is way cheaper).

1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk with 13 grams Body Fortress Vanilla Protein Powder (both available for purchase at wal-mart)

4.62 oz raw lean beef steak (all fat removed) cooked in 11 grams butter. Eaten with 9.35 oz (raw weight) microwave steamed cauliflower.

697 calories, 50.3 grams fat, 19.4-7.6 = 11.8 grams NET carbs, 44.9 grams protein

I plan to have pretty much the same thing today and have already had my coffee with heavy cream. I am feeling hopeful that I can be productive today and keep myself on plan. I want so badly to get under 170. I think I look "normal" now, but still feel like I am a little too heavy to comfortably ski (I have bad knees). I would like to go skiing before we move this spring, but still feel like I am not in shape enough. I do not want to do any structured exercise though, as that seems to inevitably hurt my "dieting" (I don't think of this way of eating as necessarily dieting, as I need to eat like this for the rest of my life to keep my blood sugar and hyperinsulinemia in check, but getting into nutritional ketosis is hard and having extra cravings at this point is counter-productive to my goals).

186.2 (10am)

So, I have basically been eating on plan / off plan / on plan / off plan / on plan / etc... since Christmas Eve. Yesterday I ate 6,228 calories (461.3 carbs (not net)). Obviously my weight is up because of food in my belly (about 2 pounds probably) and water weight (3-4 pounds), which means I am up 4 real pound in the last 2 weeks. Not cool. I am committed to being back on track TODAY (will eat 700 calories MAX and watch my macro-nutrients VERY closely).

My plan for what I eat is as follows:

Coffee with 75 grams heavy whipping cream, 8 drops almond extract and powdered sucralose (the stuff in splenda without all the maltodextrin filler).

I will have a protein shake (1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 13 grams Body Fortress vanilla protein powder, coffee and maybe a touch of sucralose)

I will have a 2nd protein shake a couple hours later.

For dinner I will have a 4 ounce (raw weight) piece of steak (all fat removed) and 8 ounces of frozen green beans.

This will bring me to the following totals for the day:

681 calories, 43.3 grams fat, 24.9-9.7 = 15.2 NET carbs, 51.1 grams protein

I have found keeping calories low, carbs very low, and protein RDA minimum allows me to most easily get back into ketosis (with the least amount of physical/mental struggle). I plan to eat very closely to this exact plan for the next week at least. I think if I adhere to this for seven days I should be back down to about 178-179 lbs by next Sunday (a week from today). Then I will take my 179 photo and concentrate on getting under 175. I'm a little disappointed in myself, that I have allowed myself to stray so far off plan in the last two weeks. I just is really really hard to get back 100% on plan when you stray. With my family's upcoming move and all the stress that comes along with that, I really need to make sure that I am not failing myself with my diet. I just FEEL so much better when my body is a fat burning machine.

I HOPE I don't have to resort to a diet pill today. I doubt I will. Normally the first day back on plan is easy, and then the 2nd day is harder and the 3rd and 4th day are the hardest. Then it starts to get easier. (At least this is how it works for me). I need to make sure that I drink plenty of water today and add plenty of sodium/potassium salt (the low salt stuff) to my dinner tonight.

180.4 (10:30am)

On January 1, 2013 I weighed in at 252.0 lbs.

Today, on January 1, 2014 I weighed in at 180.4 lbs.

I have lost a total of 71.6 lbs over the last year. I have weighed and logged my food in fitday EVERY day since June 20th, 2013. Between January 1st, 2013 and June 20, 2013 I managed to get down from 252.0 to 239.2 lbs (a difference of 12.8 lbs). I logged over half of the days on fitday in between January 1st and June 20th, 2013. It really improved my ability to get back on track and continue on with correct eating when I committed to weighing myself (and my food) EVERY day in Fitday. It has made a tremendous difference and is something I plan to stick with long term.

I think the diet pills (phendimetrazine) helped 10% in my weightloss and were well worth the expense. I got a groupon for the initial consult and testing for $89 and then each refill of 60 pills (enough for 2 per day) was an additional $89. I think I may have got 4 refills? Regardless, I have taken very few of the pills and having them on hand is quite reassuring as a tool to help the transition back into ketosis after I have fallen off my macronutrient goals and fallen out of ketosis. I went "off plan" from Christmas day through December 28th. I got back on plan (macro-nutritionally as well as calorically) on December 29th and took one pill on the afternoon of December 30th, when I felt like I might really struggle that evening. Yesterday, December 31st was rough, but I chose not to take a pill. I really prefer not to, if at all possible. I ended up eating 100% on plan macro-nutritionally but eating 2300 calories (all weighed and measured on my digital scale and logged in fitday as usual). I probably have well over 200 pills remaining though... and that makes me feel like between that tool, and understanding that I am always only 3-4 days (white-knuckled if need be) from getting back into ketosis, I definitely feel like I can do this for life. I even donated a good portion of my fat clothes to a thrift store two days ago. I am NOT gaining this weight back. I don't even care that much how much better I look. I care how much better I FEEL. I still hope to get down to 139.2 pounds by June 20, 2014. (170 days from now). A loss of 41.2 more pounds. I will need a deficit of 848 calories per day to achieve that goal. I continue to do no additional exercise other than the normal activity that I feel like doing based on feeling so much better. I DO NOT believe in doing exercise for weight loss. It is counter productive (increased appetite leads to loss of control). As I get lower in weight, I plan to watch my body fat percentage more closely on my Omron Body Fat monitor (wonderful gadget, only about $30 from Walmart or Amazon). I will have to lose a lot more weight to get rid of thigh and stomach fat (my upper arms are looking better than I could have hoped for). I have disturbing wrinkling above my knees. There is not a lot I can do about the extra skin. I will try to drink plenty of water and hopefully my greasy skin genes will come to benefit me. Interestingly enough, my skin has been SO MUCH better than it was when I was eating grains. Not just my acne, but the roughness of my elbows and ankles was horrible last year. They are so much better. Unfortunately, in the last two weeks I have suffered from cracked skin on the knuckles of both hands. I have been coating them with petroleum jelly (to keep my existing body moisture locked in) and it seems to be helping, but I have not been consistent enough with it.

My husband and I (as well as my stepson) plan on moving back to DH's hometown in the next 30-90 days. I used two separate diet doctor clinics in that town, so I am not worried about being about to get more pills in 2016 (what I have on hand now should last at least 2 more years minimum). I force myself not to use the pills unless it is a do or fall off my diet plan day. The pills become less effective with each and every usage, so I want to have them as an option and not burn up my body's ability to recognize them. I also DO feel like they are not great for your health, but neither is weighing 250 pounds! By far, being in ketosis, eating macro-nutritionally in a manner that doesn't cause insulin spikes, weighing and logging every bite I eat, and weighing myself every morning is more effective for weightloss than any pill I have ever taken. BUT - the diet pills can be a good tool for helping a person go through the rough days of transitioning from burning carbs to burning ketone bodies. No matter how many times I have made that transition (MANY, MANY times over the last 20 years) it is a rough thing to do. I've become less apt to go off plan macro-nutritionally, knowing that days of suffering and struggle follow my indiscretions. It's just not generally worth it. When it happens, it is never something I plan on doing, but more a lack of control. We (DH, stepson and I) went to the Chinese Buffet for DH birthday dinner. I made the conscious decision to eat what I wanted (egg rolls, wontons, battered chicken - no noodles, no rice). It's been hard (as it always is) to get back on track and I probably have another 2 weeks of mental struggle ahead of me. It's funny, it comes and goes when getting back in ketosis. I have noticed though, in the last six months that I have normally been in ketosis, that it has become easier to get back into ketosis. I think my body is becoming more adept at burning fat. It seems to help to keep calories and protein lowish when getting back into ketosis.